Leadership Tea
The Leadership Tea podcast is where powerful leaders share their journeys, insights, and triumphs through informal conversations about what it takes to reach the executive level. Join us every other Wednesday to be inspired by the unvarnished stories of amazing executives who know what it's like to be "the only" at the table and who have succeeded regardless. They have proven leadership experience in their respective fields, from international affairs to the private sector to academia, and want to help others create their own success stories.
Leadership Tea
Bitter Brews and Sweet Successes:Radical Self-Reflection and Designing Your Future
Have you ever wondered what a year dedicated entirely to self-discovery and personal growth could do for your future? Our guest, Cathy Duffy, did just that last year. Join us as we talk to her about her year of exploration and move into her season of "getting into position".
This episode isn't just about transformation—it's a masterclass in the sacred art of self-care as a cornerstone of inspirational leadership. Cathy's journey is a testament to the power of embracing change and using it to design a life of intention and purpose.
We explore how the philosophy of an overflowing cup can lead to a more generous and sustainable way of giving, both in personal life and professional spheres. You're invited to step into our space of growth and reflection, where Cathy's insights from her leadership journey inspire us all to engage, reflect, and grow toward a brighter, more intentional future.
Cathy dropped countless gems of wisdom. Some of our favorites include "Aging is a privilege", "I deserve to be here. I know I am worthy", and asking "Where are my talents most needed?" She kept us engaged and inspired us from the beginning of the episode to the end and we are sure you will feel the same way.
Share your favorite quote from Cathy with our community. Drop a comment @Leadership_tea.
Guest: Catherine Duffy
Program Note: International Women's Forum Leadership Fellowship
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I have earned my ability to be in every single room that I am in, and if somebody else thinks that I don't deserve to be, that's their problem, not my.
Speaker 2:Welcome back. This is Belinda and you are listening to the Leadership Tea Podcast. This episode is entitled Bitter Brews and Sweet Successes Radical Self-Reflection and Designing your Future. Our guest today is Kathy Duffy. I met Kathy in 2018 as part of the International Women's Forum Leadership Fellowship Program. It's an amazing program that completely changed the trajectory of my career and I would love for you to learn more about it. I'll leave a link to it in our show notes, but let me get back to Kathy.
Speaker 2:Kathy is an experienced executive. She's led diverse and global teams in the private sector, and she is going to talk to us today about 2023 and how it was a milestone year for her. She took a lot of interesting steps to celebrate that year, to learn more about herself and where she wants her life to go, and we'll also hear about how she plans to kind of use that information to inform her 2024 and where she wants to go next in her career. For me, I found it to be a very impactful discussion. I will even give you a second to go grab a pen and paper and maybe even take notes, because I will tell you that, down to the very final words that Kathy says, there's a lot here to take note of and to remember.
Speaker 2:I just want to remind you before we get started that, as always, whether it's Shelby speaking or me or Kathy, we're all speaking and representing our own views and not the views of the organizations that we are associated with. So I just want to remind everybody of that. I'm really excited about this conversation. I won't hold us up anymore. Let's just jump right into it. Kathy, I know you had a really interesting 2023. And I think our listeners would be would really learn a lot from understanding the journey you took during 2023 and the reasons why you took that journey.
Speaker 1:Okay, well, 2023 was a pivotal year for me. I turned 60 in April and my mother died when she was 44. So, for me, every decade that I reach, I feel that my mother never did, I feel that it is not O'odh because I hate that. I feel that I'm living what she didn't get to live, and I also feel that aging is a privilege. Most people don't like to tell their ages, but for me, every single day is a gift. So turning 60 to me was just, it was just fabulous.
Speaker 1:So I decided, instead of having a birthday party, that every month, I was going to gift myself and experience travel or doing nothing. So, and I called it, I deemed it my year of exploration and discovery, where I was going to put myself in positions that I would not otherwise be in. Like, I became a patron for Ted in Vancouver, and it's incredibly expensive to do these things, but I said you know just like what do we spend in our money on the conversation we earlier had? Sometimes, spending your money on the to get a seat at the table that you would not otherwise get allows you to see the inner workings of organizations that we often don't get to see. So by becoming a Ted patron. I was actually even invited to Chris. Why has his last name gone out of my head? He is the curator for Ted. He had a private dinner at his house in New York for patrons and speakers of Ted because it was the first Ted since COVID that was going to be meeting in person.
Speaker 1:I also became a patron of Aspen Ideas in Aspen, colorado, and that is a phenomenal. If you have the opportunity to do any of these events, I think Aspen Ideas is just phenomenal. You have the CEOs from BlackRock, from General Motors, you've got Andrew Ross Salking there from you know, it's like Katie Couric. It's just about anybody and everybody that's there and it's just talks that are being done.
Speaker 1:But by becoming a patron of that, I was invited to private dinners where I got to meet people that I would not otherwise have met, and you know it was just a fantastic year of pouring into myself, being an observer, of not making any decisions either, and it wasn't just doing things like that. I even went on a silent retreat, I did a writing retreat. I did so many different things that I would not normally do, and you know what you realize when you do things like this. We often discount what we bring into the world and the knowledge that we've acquired over time, and the more you're in these conversations with these people, who are considered to be world experts or the prime source of information, you realize that they're learning just as much as we are, and it was a phenomenal discovery for me for the year.
Speaker 2:I love that. That's like really impactful, and we've mentioned a couple of things, but what was most impactful on you from the year and then now, as a result of that experience, what's next?
Speaker 1:What was most impactful was how I sort of ended that with knowing that we're all learning, no matter how much you are considered to be the expert for a subject. The world is changing so much that all of the studies that have been done, they're actually outdated, because a lot of those studies were done based on exclusion of other people. They were based on a time when we were in an industrial revolution type movement, whereas now we're in an intellectual movement, so a lot of what was considered to be the way we should be going is being turned upside down. So the more you put yourself in positions where you can add your two cents because we all matter in the way that we're moving forward the more we become a service to everyone. And I just loved listening to people who are considered to be these industry experts and I know that they don't really know either. But as much as we give them the credibility, we have to give ourselves that credibility too. And what comes next for me is I'm deeming 2024 as my year of getting into position.
Speaker 1:So, I'm taking all of what I explored and discovered in 2023 and I'm now trying to figure out how to use that information to get into position.
Speaker 3:I love that. I love that You've just dropped so many nuggets, getting into position for 2024 and being around people that you think know it all, but they're just learning.
Speaker 1:Just like we are.
Speaker 3:They don't know any more than you.
Speaker 1:We're on the same level.
Speaker 3:We just underestimate ourselves all the time, and I wanted to pick up on something that you said about being at the table, because you've been R in the C suite and you're at the table breathing rare air and yet, sometimes, even when we're in these positions, we still feel like we need oxygen, like we're not enough, we continue to doubt ourselves. And so, as you're on this path, this path that you laid out for yourself in 23 and in terms of where you're going in 24, I just wonder what has been missing or what was missing for you in the C-suite in terms of why are you on the path that you've chosen?
Speaker 1:Well, first of all, the C-suite is not really designed for people like us, meaning black women, right, it is okay while we are aspiring Like we are accepted, we're embraced oh my gosh, this person is so clever. But when you arrive, a whole different story. When you arrive, that's when it becomes oh, you don't have this, or you don't have that, or you don't have the other, and then you see all sorts of other people who have none of those things that you have being accelerated around you. So at the end of the day and you know I'm going to backtrack a bit, shelby, because when I turn 55, right, something happened to me that made me realize that I have far less years ahead of me than I have behind me, and I decided that it was time for me to step into my big girl shoes, not play small for anybody. I don't think I am unworthy of being in any room. I have earned my ability to be in every single room that I am in, and if somebody else thinks that I don't deserve to be, that's their problem, not mine. And it takes a long time to get to that right, because you know, as black people, we are taught to sit still, be quiet, don't make waves because of the fact that our people came through slavery and if we stepped out of line, you could be killed or hanged or you know any of those things. So these are a lot of generational trauma that we're dealing with right and that gets used against us. Right, because we're meant to be quiet, we're meant to be polite, we're meant to be all of these things, which other people don't get held to that standard. So I'm now at the point where I know I deserve to be here. I don't feel unworthy and you can do whatever you want. That tries to make me feel that way. But this whole getting into position is where is my, where are my talents most needed to help accelerate our path?
Speaker 1:A lot of leaders believe that they're supposed to know it all, and it was Warren Buffett that actually made a statement that if he was the smartest person in the room, then he didn't need anybody else there.
Speaker 1:You want to hire the best of the best, because what you are as a leader is the conductor. You're not the person that's doing all the work. You're the person that's finding the bits that are missing and bringing those people together, and they are creating something much bigger than you ever even thought, if you're walking into a room as a leader having it all figured out, you've just failed your team, because your team could deliver so much more than what you could even think about. If you give them the flexibility, tools and the authority to do these things, they will surprise you every single time. Every single time. And don't believe that having every qualification is going to get you into leadership, because leadership is more about your people, skills, your EQ, than it is about your knowledge, your theory that you bring, because that changes constantly and it's great to have multi-generational people as well. So much better than all people from one group, because you're limited.
Speaker 3:Everybody brings a little bit more. It's almost like we're eavesdropping on our conversation Belinda and I were having about surrounding yourself with people who are smarter than you and not being intimidated or threatened. That's really the key to successful leadership. And so, speaking of successful leadership, we're wondering how does Kathy define success?
Speaker 1:Well, first of all, success is being able to go to sleep at night and not feel that you have destroyed anybody else's life, including your own. Success is not material wealth. It is that ability to relax when you need, to pour into yourself when you need to. It's an order for you for 2023. Also was filling my own cup so that I can fill others. You know and that was something from Yolana Vansant she always says that in order for you to be able to give to anyone else, your cup has to be overflowing, not even just having a full cup. It has to be overflowing, because you cannot give what you do not have. And so, for me, it's all about filling my cup, letting it overflow, because then that way, I don't feel like I'm being depleted by giving to anyone else Anyone else that I want to. Sometimes you are in situations in your jobs where you do have to give to people that you don't want to give a thing to, but then you go and you do something for yourself to fill yourself back up, knowing that what you did, hopefully, will teach that person how to give back as well. It's not about taking all the time. What are some of the ways that you fill up your cup Every single day.
Speaker 1:I have rituals every single day. When I go on vacation I don't as much, but my morning starts. I never pick up my phone first thing in the morning. My morning starts with me either walking in nature or doing yoga, or my porch that overlooks. I have this yard that has birds and everything in it.
Speaker 1:I also go into the ocean once at least minimum of once a week, and I was the person that was terrified of the ocean, never interfered with the ocean. But I read Will Smith's book and he talked about the big she and the big she is the ocean and how many of us, as black people, have a fear of the ocean and a lot of it is because our ancestors drowned on the middle passage and that sort of thing and it's recessed right and so and he talked about how he learned how to swim and how he felt so much more healed when he went into the ocean. Right after I read that, a friend of mine was um, threw out a challenge of having a polar bear swim on the first of the year and I decided to do it and I was hooked ever since, like there is something so healing about the ocean. I actually do feel like I feel our ancestors when I go to the ocean. It's phenomenal, even just putting your bare foot feet in. I don't like swimming in water that I can't stand in, because maybe that's still that generational trauma, but I will be. I love to go to a cove and I love to feel the ocean Like I have to do it at least once a week.
Speaker 1:And all of that is done before I go into the office. I write daily affirmations, I write a, I meditate 15 minutes in the morning, 20 minutes in the evening. I write a gratitude journal. In the morning and in the evenings I journal a lot. I do all of that so that I can center myself and accept that even on those days when I feel like the world is against me, there's always something to be grateful for. Gratitude is an activator, not a pacifist. It's something I say. So that is what I do, melinda, in order to be able to be a more effective leader and person. Actually.
Speaker 2:So, with that said, what is your?
Speaker 1:truth, my truth is. There is no truth. It's all perspective.
Speaker 2:I love it. So, hey, at this point we would love to switch into our lightning round. Yes, We've got a few questions for you there, so just kind of the first thing that pops into your mind. Shelby, you want to ask the first lightning round question.
Speaker 3:Sure. So, Kathy, what is your theme song or playlist for Tough Day?
Speaker 1:Oh, my goodness, For a Tough Day it would be. We're part of something way bigger. Beyonce.
Speaker 3:Mm.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and no matter what happens, we're a part of something way bigger. Love that.
Speaker 2:So we've talked a little bit about as we were talking about the things that you use to ensure that your cup is full. You outlined some important parts of your day, both morning and evening, but which time of day do you feel is sacred time?
Speaker 1:First thing in the morning, because I try to have at least an hour of silence a day and that is grounding for me, so that I can hear what is really happening in my head. And even though I call it silence, it means that there are no outside influences influences except for what's happening in my head. So I know what I'm dealing with first thing in the morning for myself, that I have to work through, so that morning is sacred.
Speaker 3:That's powerful. You've shared a lot of thoughts on your approach to leadership, but I'm going to ask this last question anyway, and then you can just say the first thing that comes to your mind.
Speaker 1:Fill in the blank Leadership is having the ability to follow, to teach and learn, learn and teach.
Speaker 3:Hey everyone. It's Shelby. There were so many pearls of wisdom that Kathy just dropped. Aging is a privilege. We are all learning because the world is changing so much. Get in position. Don't play small for anybody. As the leader, you're the conductor. I learned a lot and I'm so grateful that Kathy made time to share her leadership journey with us. And now we have four requests of all of you Share this episode with three friends. Leave us a review wherever you get your podcasts. Dm us on Instagram at leadership, underscore T, to tell us what topics you want to hear about. And finally, visit us at stirringsuccesscom to join our mailing list and be in the know about future content. Thanks again for spending time with us. We look forward to stirring success with you again soon.
