Leadership Tea
The Leadership Tea podcast is where powerful leaders share their journeys, insights, and triumphs through informal conversations about what it takes to reach the executive level. Join us every other Wednesday to be inspired by the unvarnished stories of amazing executives who know what it's like to be "the only" at the table and who have succeeded regardless. They have proven leadership experience in their respective fields, from international affairs to the private sector to academia, and want to help others create their own success stories.
Leadership Tea
Brewing Harmony: Managing Peer Dynamics with Grace
This episode is a reflection on our efforts to form strong bonds with our peers. We discuss why regular check-ins and internal diplomacy aren't just buzzwords but essential practices for any leader seeking to build a team that not only works together but thrives together. Tune in and equip yourself with the knowledge to create a culture of support and collaboration that will elevate your leadership and your team.
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there will be some situations where you have to check yourself and be willing to give other people grace, even when they don't deserve it.
Speaker 2:Welcome back to the Leadership Tea Podcast. This is Belinda, and I'm excited that you've tuned in for our latest episode. Today, shelby and I will be discussing peer relationships, but what do we mean by that? In this case, we're talking about the complex relationships leaders need to manage with their internal and external counterparts in order to get their job done. When your team encounters hurdles and engages you for help removing obstacles, are you in a position to work with your peers to do so? Or when there's an incredible opportunity for collaboration between functions, do you have the relationships to make it happen? That's what we'll focus on today.
Speaker 2:We'll share three concepts we have used to navigate this area, but I don't want to give too much away. I'll save some of this for the episode. Before I let you go, I just want to remind you that we appreciate your reviews and subscriptions on the podcasting platforms where the Leadership Tea is available. You can always go to our website, wwwstirringsuccesscom, to learn more about us, and I encourage you to follow us on Instagram at leadership underscore tea. We regularly share thoughts and ideas, and occasionally we host Instagram live events. Thank you so much for supporting us and feel free to join us anytime on the Leadership T, where we are sipping wisdom and stirring success all right, so let's get into it.
Speaker 2:We thought that we would follow up on our previous episode talking to our mentors, the uncles, by discussing a different aspect of leadership, and it has to do with peer relationships, how you manage peers, how you manage the middle layer of what is a multidimensional sphere when it comes to being a successful leader, and so we thought we would share some of our tips, things that we have done over the course of our careers in managing peer dynamics a touchy area right, because, especially as you are leading more and more complex teams that are working in really kind of dynamic environments, managing your peer relationships is really critical to enabling your team to get their work done right, because often your peers are managing teams that have inputs or connections that your team relies on or needs in order to achieve their mission, and so I think that these kind of three principles that we want to share, these kind of three principles that we want to share, really have helped us when we fully implement them. It goes back to being able to empower your team and give them what they need in order to work. This is part of your work making that happen. So, yeah, I think we can just dive in.
Speaker 2:I'll jump into the first one. How's that? Yeah, that sounds good. What? How am I working with this particular peer? Is there, are there gaps in the this person to be able to negotiate difficult things? And that takes me being honest with myself about have I done the work to make this relationship work, and or are there some gaps, and is the ball in my court to fix those gaps? What are?
Speaker 1:your thoughts, shelby? Yes, being self-aware of what it is that you bring to the table and what you might need from that other person, but also not waiting until you need that person to get the thing done that you're trying to get done. So self-awareness also has multiple layers, right, like? How am I being perceived by this individual? Have I created the conditions for us to even be able to collaborate? And if I haven't, do I need to check myself? Is there something that I'm doing that's getting in the way of this relationship being productive?
Speaker 2:yeah, I completely agree, and I was just reflecting on times when I've done that well and times when I have I had an opportunity to do better. I'm thinking back to a time where my team was doing work that negatively impacted another team it was creating. When we were doing our job, we were creating difficult conditions for another team, and it was just the nature of the work. However, we could have done a better job of giving that team a heads up when we were going to take actions that were going to impact them, or better contextualizing what we were doing so that they could do their job better, and that was a time where I think I did a good job of getting to know my peer both inside and outside of work, really thinking consciously about setting up time for us to. In fact, we didn't work in the same location, so setting up kind of virtual coffees to really lean into and spending like the first half of those.
Speaker 2:They weren't long, they were like half an hour spending the first half of that on just let's just talk's, yeah, stuff, and then spending 15 minutes on here's what I can do, here's what you can do, here's how we can make this all better. And it took. We didn't do that often, I think. Initially we did it monthly and then, as improved, we were able to spread that out to quarterly, but it made just a massive difference for the entire team. And then, when I think about times where I could have done that better, there are times where I've worked with teams where my peer wasn't doing that. There are times where I've worked with teams that where my peer wasn't doing that, my peer wasn't meeting me halfway with. Let's better understand each other and each other's work so we can find commonality, so our teams can work better together and I've become frustrated.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And unwilling in some respects, to try to nurture the relationship to the detriment of everyone. Yeah, but I'm human, and so it's like I understand why I was frustrated, but I acknowledge that it didn't allow us to get our job done.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I hear you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, as you were talking about not doing your part to make sure that your team is collaborating in a way that is helpful and productive with other teams.
Speaker 1:I was remembering working abroad in different cultural settings and having to work with a team whose background was just different from my team's in terms of work culture and the things that motivated them.
Speaker 1:What success looked like for them wasn't necessarily what success looked like for us, and so being self-aware of those dynamics is really important, especially when you're trying to lead teams, because, again, your end result might not necessarily match. Let me rephrase that what's motivating you to get something done isn't necessarily going to match the motivation of another team, and so it's on you to figure out how do you create that synergy so that you're all rowing in the same direction. Right, and sometimes it takes. Sometimes it means taking a step back to say, okay, these are the parameters within which my team is working, this is our organizational culture. How do we match that, or how do we blend our culture with the culture of another team, and then make sure that we are collectively working towards the same purpose, and that's way easier said than done, of course, but it really boils down to again taking stock of the situation, being aware of yourself and what's driving your team, and having awareness of what's going on with the people that you're collaborating with.
Speaker 2:Completely, and I think that really touches on our second point, which is humility. Yeah, that when I have failed at this, it is when I couldn't see past my frustration or wasn't willing to humble myself a little bit and hit the reset button. Yeah, once in a while, you're going to encounter somebody that just doesn't want and hit the reset button. Yeah, once in a while you're going to encounter somebody that just doesn't want to hit a reset button. True, and that's what it is.
Speaker 1:And that's a whole different episode For the people, who are the majority of people, right, the majority of people want to do a good job, want their teams to succeed and to find a way to work with you, but maybe just stuck in some narrative that they're telling themselves that you've got to humble yourself and try to figure out and help them work through. And that's really tough. Yeah, it is, because sometimes it also takes a certain level of professional maturity on your part when it comes to humility and when it comes to setting aside your ego, right Almost to a certain extent, in recognizing that there will be some situations where you have to check yourself and be willing to give other people grace even when they don't deserve it.
Speaker 2:Yes, that is hard. It is hard. We have touched on being self-aware, we have touched on humility, and kind of the piece that brings those two together is and that we've talked about a little bit is doing the hard work in the long term to identify and develop those kind of cross-functional and even sometimes external partnerships so that you can get things done. And that without self-awareness, without humility, is impossible, right.
Speaker 1:It all goes back to building relationships and investing in relationships, having these connections with people already established before you need something, before you hit the panic button Because when you need people in crunch time you don't want to be calling them and you don't have any street cred Like you want to have already established some sort of relationship, connection, working, dynamic, before it's yo, I really need this person to come through, but have you talked to them in the past? I don't know month, year. It depends on the level of need and what's going on, but sometimes there are situations where you don't want to suddenly have to need someone to come through for you and you haven't come through for them. Or you haven't done anything to seed the garden, to water the garden so that things blossom and you can take advantage of the roses that are growing and are smelling great. Okay, we have a good relationship because we've already planted the seeds in the garden For me to be able to rely on you and to call on you in those clutch moments.
Speaker 2:I'm sitting here thinking about how you have to be able to Let me rephrase this to or let me rephrase this At the tactical level earlier in my career I was taught when you have some piece of information or you've done something, you should think to yourself where should this information go? Information shouldn't necessarily rest with me. Who else needs this information? And that really helps you.
Speaker 2:At the mid-level, the way that I try to build on that step is to say to myself, when I'm in a new role, when I have something, when I'm doing something, to really think consciously who are going to be my key partners? Who is my team handing the ball to or taking the ball from? Those are the people that I need to begin to develop those long-term relationships, because often I think what often that picking up the phone and saying something has happened, we should fix this, or my team could have communicated better on that, or your team can they change the way they do this? People sometimes see that as a favor and they're not going to do a favor for you if they don't know you but just takes. People don't want to feel used and like they only get a call when you want when they need something right and so you just gotta put in the time for those teas, those coffees.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that water cooler talk and it doesn't have to be fake. I don't know For me, I genuinely like talking to people.
Speaker 1:Me too, and to your point that it doesn't have to be fake. Like everything takes time, you have to put in the time. Like you said, the virtual coffees, in-person coffees, getting to know people before you need something from them. This is something that I've done with my teams throughout my career. In instilling this sense of the internal diplomacy is just as important, if not more important, than the external diplomacy. Call people up, talk to them, get to know them before you need to work on that big project, before you need to make sure that big deliverable happens.
Speaker 2:Definitely. Hey look, I think we've brought our points home being self-aware, humility and doing the work. Using those two skills to do the work and develop relationships within and, where appropriate, outside of your organization, so your team can get their work done that's what it's all about, thank you.
