Leadership Tea
The Leadership Tea podcast is where powerful leaders share their journeys, insights, and triumphs through informal conversations about what it takes to reach the executive level. Join us every other Wednesday to be inspired by the unvarnished stories of amazing executives who know what it's like to be "the only" at the table and who have succeeded regardless. They have proven leadership experience in their respective fields, from international affairs to the private sector to academia, and want to help others create their own success stories.
Leadership Tea
Sipping Greatness: Leading with Purpose and Blocking Out the Noise
Ever felt the weight of external negativity and wondered how to keep your inner strength intact? This episode promises to equip you with essential strategies for maintaining resilience and intentionality in leadership. We dive into the real-world challenges leaders face, from microaggressions to the relentless pressures of pioneering new initiatives. Through personal stories and practical advice, we share how to preserve your mental energy, pick your battles wisely, and ensure your responses are both measured and impactful. It's all about safeguarding your internal strength and staying steadfast on your path to success.
Leadership isn't just about making decisions; it's about managing the emotional toll that comes with striving for excellence amidst constant criticism. Learn why developing strong habits and building a supportive community early in your career can sustain your high performance and resilience. Hear personal anecdotes that highlight the importance of self-care and the damaging effects of being told to "be less." Discover why it's essential to stay true to your greatness and not conform to mediocrity, even when external pressures are at their peak. This empowering conversation is designed to help you lead with authenticity and strength.
Find us on YouTube!
We publish new episodes every other Wednesday.
Follow us on Instagram @Leadership_Tea for more inspiration and insights.
Learn more about us and the podcast at www.stirringsuccess.com
Hey everyone. So for this episode, we thought we would do something a little different. That we hear often from our listeners and from some of the women that we mentor when it comes to not letting anyone steal your joy and not letting circumstances or haters steal your shine. This is something that comes up frequently in our circles, whether it's from people who are just starting out in their careers or people who are at the executive level. And, as we reflect on the theme of this season, you know, leading with a startup mindset or thinking about people who are starting something for the first time, whether you're starting a business, whether you are the founder of an organization starting a new job, there are things that we all have in common, right when it comes to some of the challenges that you face, when you're trying to do something bold and trying to chart new territory or entering uncharted waters, and they're just things. They're these intangibles that you have to have within yourself in order to be able to weather the storms that will inevitably come, particularly if you are in a leadership position.
Speaker 1:As the person in charge, you're taking incoming fire all the time, whether it's from people on your team who may be disgruntled, or other individuals or other work units that you have to collaborate with in order to get your project done, or people who don't like the decisions that you've made. Your project done or people who don't like the decisions that you've made. There's this constant churn of you having to manage all of the anxiety, the angst again, the naysayers, various things that are being thrown at you and, at the end of the day, it's often your own resilience and how you intentionally decide to deal with these types of challenges that will determine your level of success in terms of not letting people live rent-free in your head and not letting someone else's small mindedness or their inability to rise to the level that you're operating at, just not letting all of those external limitations get in the way of you doing your thing. I don't know what do you think, belinda? Yeah, I agree.
Speaker 2:Shelby, I feel like I want to think a little more about what you said about resilience and intentionality, and I want to add on to those loneliness and hurt. But being a leader, especially when you're leading in that gray space which we've talked about before, when you're leading something new, it a little bit try to put you in your place or take you down a few pegs or just try to embarrass you or make you question yourself or the mission. It can be disorienting and hurtful. And so that brings us back to that intentionality of really being intentional about how you respond, but also how you absorb that and that you don't absorb it.
Speaker 2:You know, recently I was having a talk with someone about this kind of phenomenon where you are being great and someone tries to take that away from you and you're just out there, naturally being 100, just doing your best, and some people you only have one option that's just great.
Speaker 2:You can't be less than who you are, right.
Speaker 2:And so when these things happen, where people try to steal your shine and take away from who you are, you have to really think about what are the steps I'm going to take to be responsive or not to this, responsive or not to this and what are the steps that I'm going to take to take care of myself, to deal with this? Because no matter how you choose to respond whether it's like I'm gonna go off or I'm gonna ignore that, or I'm gonna work with surrogates to, like you know, come back at that I'm just gonna show you that the best revenge is my success. No matter how you choose to deal with it, it's taken a little chunk, you know, out of your armor, it's hit you, and so I actually think the most important part and I'm curious, your thoughts on this, shelby is less about depending on the situation, less about that moment, and more about how are you going to protect yourself internally to make sure that it doesn't take you off of your path or make you question your own greatness.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yes, a hundred percent. When you talk about not allowing people to take you off of your path, it causes me to think about. I often tell my mentees make sure you're picking your battles and I know that that's easier said than done, but you don't want to give people the gift of them knowing that they have gotten to you in some way. You want to be able to not react to every grievance that is inflicted upon you. And I tell, I, tell folks on my team all the time, you know, I, I don't want to say it's, it's a daily occurrence where someone is disrespecting me, but there are microaggressions that occur, let's say, on a weekly basis for sure. Let's say on a weekly basis for sure. On a weekly basis for sure, there is someone who has said something or done something that's subtle, that will attempt to put me in my place. Even in an executive leadership position, there are moments when I am disrespected, and so I have to make a choice. Am I going to respond every single time someone does something to me that's out of pocket, or am I going to be selective in how I choose to put that person in check? And usually, when I'm putting them in check, they don't even know it. Usually, it's very matter of fact. I'm never going to disrespect anyone. I'm never going to yell at anyone, even when they may deserve it. That's just not who I am. But I am constantly calibrating in my head is this individual worth the mental energy to have a response, or is no response the best way to go? And if I am responding, are they going to change their behavior or is the outcome going to be different as a result of my response? And I'll give you an example.
Speaker 1:I was in a position previously where I was working with another unit and we were trying to come up with a different technological solution to something that we were trying to get done, and I needed to rely on another team and explain to them what the concept was, why we needed this new technology and how I thought that we could partner together. And the entire time that I'm, you know, talking to these individuals, they're looking at me as if I'm speaking a different language. And it got to a point where I was like, hey, what's going on here? We thought we were meeting with your boss and it's like okay, well, my boss actually outranks all of you. You know we are at par and you knew what the purpose of this meeting was, you know, when I set it up, when my secretary set it up, and so is there a problem?
Speaker 1:Oh, we, just, we thought we were meeting with so-and-so, and so I decided to just, you know, get up at that point and say, okay, well, this meeting is over. Not only will my boss not be talking to you about this project, but we are done talking about this project. And oh, by the way, this other thing that you wanted to get done, it's actually on me to make a recommendation to my boss on whether we should proceed with it. And guess what? We're not going to.
Speaker 1:Thanks very much, and I walked out and they were like wait, what, what, what? Just what just happened? It's like no. At that moment, I determined it was worth me putting them on notice that they had completely disrespected me. And of course, you know, the fallout as a result of that meeting was oh, you know, we're so sorry, blah, blah, blah. It's like yeah, whatever.
Speaker 2:But I want to go back to something you said about the calibration. But I want to go back to something you said about the calibration that calibration takes a toll. It does. That calibration, constantly, is exhausting. And so when you are leading, you know you're carrying the weight of the thing you're trying to achieve. You're carrying the weight of just like the team and like the team's needs, and then you have, like, these attacks coming at you and you've still got to make it through the day. It's exhausting.
Speaker 1:It is.
Speaker 2:It's hard, it's a battle, and that's why I you know I'm just going back to I don't know what the final thing is that you do. That helps you stay focused and stay clear and stay confident and stay healthy and stay healthy. But before you get to senior leadership, you need to develop those habits early and if you somehow make it to senior leadership and you don't have those habits and that community and so many of the other things that we've talked about on this podcast, then you need to build it quickly.
Speaker 1:Absolutely.
Speaker 2:Because it is not sustainable to carry all of that weight and take the incoming, none of which you can change. No, and when I say take the incoming, it's just again. It doesn't matter how you react. You could fight back, you could whatever. You still got this weight, you're still taking incoming. So what are you going to do to replenish? Because tomorrow you got to get up and do the same thing again.
Speaker 1:Exactly.
Speaker 2:Right, Um, and even as I think about coping mechanisms that you know I was taught early on. You know, I told you the story about in college where I had an issue like an administrative issue, right, and I went to that particular administrative office and I'm like crying, like oh, why is this happening? Oh, oh no, and it was right before graduation and they were like, oh no, clerical error, you know are bad, but also do not do this in the future. You're a graduating senior, You're about to go out here in the real world and you know the advice I received was never let them see you sweat. Like, always have your receipts and never let them see you sweat. You just have to, like make it.
Speaker 2:That takes a toll, that takes a toll. So it's like, yes, I like to say yes, and I like to say yes also, but in this case I'm going to say yes, but oh, that takes a toll.
Speaker 1:It's like, yes, I got to keep it moving.
Speaker 2:And I got to have the receipts and I got to do the most, but it takes a toll and I shouldn't have to do all of that, but I do, and so I need to take care of myself Right, and so I need to take care of myself right, and I need to surround myself with people who believe in the mission, support the mission and want to be allies, you know. So I don't know. I wish that I had a really concrete answer or solution, but I think, for some reason this week, on my heart, what I wanted to talk to our audience about was to acknowledge that, in leadership, are facing this issue of people trying to, in ways that are subtle and overt, tell you to be less great when great is the only thing you know how to be Exactly 100%.
Speaker 2:All I know is how to be great and I'm not going to apologize for that. I'm not, and that is true Both leadership and freedom is being able to be in a space where you're just like, yeah, but I'm not going to be less great.
Speaker 1:So you want Shelby. This is what you get.
Speaker 2:This is what you get. This is what you get. I'm always going to bring 100 percent to the table 150 percent% Boom.
Speaker 1:And another point, my 150%, first of all is off the charts my 80%. My 80% is your 150%. How about that? Maybe even lower? Actually, even, yeah, our 60% is probably someone else's 150%.
Speaker 2:Yes, and I don't know how to give 60%. I just don't. We could probably deconstruct it, but I run into so many people. They just when people know how to operate at a high level, they just when people know how to operate at a high level, socially right, intellectually, analytically, and everybody who's down here is telling you, be less, you're not supposed to be doing all that.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Why are you doing that? Once how I had in an evaluation I had a boss write that my area for opportunity and growth was do less and not like in a way that I was abusing my team or it was like I don't feel like Belinda's job is that important, like I'm paraphrasing, but like what Belinda does is not that important Like I'm paraphrasing, but like what Belinda does is not that important. But she treats her job and her team like it is important and she's convinced her team that their work matters and so when they do stuff it makes the rest of us have to work more because we look bad. So in the coming year Belinda should learn to be mediocre like everybody else or find positions where she can be herself.
Speaker 1:Absolutely outrageous.
Speaker 2:I only know one, one speed and that's great and that was really hurtful to me at the time. And that was really hurtful to me at the time. You know, this was years ago.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:You know a much earlier point, one of my earlier leadership opportunities and I did. I was very excited about being a leader and my team. We're still in touch today. So if they were miserable, I was fooled because it seemed like it was one team, one fight. We were really happy, we had a really good time, we got a lot done. We did get a lot done, yeah. So that boss wasn't able to steal my shine and we were able to get a lot done and have a lot of fun doing it and build a community and do things that people didn't think were possible where we were before that team yes and we had a lasting impact that's amazing I would offer that most people it feels feels like when, when people come out of the woodwork to tell you to be less, it's probably when you're making the most headway and starting to scare people.
Speaker 2:It's probably a sign that you are doing the right things.
Speaker 1:Exactly, and it's more about their own lack of self-confidence or their own issues. Whatever it is that's going on with them that has nothing to do with you. Truth.
Speaker 2:So it feels like a lot, but I just feels like it needed to be said.
Speaker 1:Yes, yes, be great, be great. Don't be ashamed to let excellence be your habit. Don't be ashamed to let excellence be your habit.
Speaker 2:Oh, let excellence be a habit. Yes, I love it. All right, well, thanks everyone for joining us today. I hope that you enjoyed this episode. I encourage you to go to Stirringsuccesscom. We've got a lot of fun things on our website, like our blog, that I think we're really proud of. Check out our shop, and we'll be back soon with another episode.
Speaker 1:Yes, we look forward to Sipping Wisdom and Stirring Success with you again in the near future. Thanks for watching.
