Leadership Tea

Sip Wisdom, Stir Success: A Conversation on Finding Calm

Shelby Smith-Wilson and Belinda Jackson Farrier Season 2 Episode 11

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Imagine redefining your workweek to embrace excitement and purpose rather than dread and exhaustion. On this episode of the Leadership Tea Podcast, we tackle the daunting challenges of navigating turbulent times and the profound impact they can have on both our mental well-being and professional trajectories. We share compelling insights on realizing when it's time to pivot away from a career that's lost its luster and discuss the legacy we wish to carve out. Acknowledging the need to balance the adrenaline rush of high-energy moments with essential relaxation, we draw parallels with elite athletes who master the art of sustainability. Our conversation is a clarion call to treat health as an investment and to remember the importance of celebrating weekly achievements, even when chaos reigns.

Turn the page to a life less chaotic by focusing on rest, self-reflection, and the power of decluttering. Drawing from personal experiences, we highlight how a simple two-week sabbatical can reinvigorate the spirit and prepare one for new beginnings. We explore the ‘Sunday scaries’ and why surviving the workweek shouldn't be the norm. Instead, discover strategies to cultivate a fulfilling life that doesn't fear Monday mornings. Through practical tools like journaling and managing adrenaline, we aim to inspire our listeners to thrive robustly, challenging them to embrace life's tapestry of emotions and experiences. Join us as we unpack the art of self-management and invite you to share your thoughts and ideas for upcoming episodes.

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Speaker 1:

Hey everyone and welcome to the Leadership Tea Podcast.

Speaker 1:

Shelby and I are here today really with a grab bag of sorts.

Speaker 1:

We just had a couple of issues that we felt on our heart and we wanted to share with all of everyone in our audience.

Speaker 1:

We, like many people, are in this period of time where maybe we are dealing with all of the changes and we've talked a bit about this in past episodes. There's lots of change in the air, there's lots of turbulence in the air. There's just a lot happening globally and even if, like in our own lives, things on a personal level may feel hopeful or we may be feeling like we have some momentum, it's still a little bit off because of all of these external forces. And just in observing people around us, in interacting with our friends and colleagues or the folks that we coach, there are some patterns that I think are jumping out to both of us right now, and I think we wanted to take this time to quickly share with you some of the things that we have observed, as well as offer some of our thoughts on how you can deal with these different forces and see some improvements in your own experience, shelby, anything to add to that?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, we thought we would have another free-flowing conversation and just share with you all what's on our minds, what's on our minds, what's on our hearts, especially as we look at what's happening in the United States. As Belinda said, on the West Coast, our hearts go out to friends and family in Los Angeles, as California is literally on fire and then here on the East Coast we're frozen. There are people without water. In my hometown of Richmond, virginia.

Speaker 2:

The world just feels like it's upside down right now, and we thought that this would be a good opportunity to talk about. How are we managing, what are we doing to maintain resilience and to manage our own personal anxieties and to maintain hope and confidence and positivity, as Belinda said. So this week, one of the things that I experienced again was managing anxiety around me, having to be what I call an oasis of calm for people who were coming to me for advice, for people who were coming to me to confide in how uneasy they were feeling, whether on a personal level or professionally. And one of the things that I personally experienced this week was going to a few retirement parties, people who are leaving my place of employment. It's a natural part of life, it's a natural moment in the life cycle when it comes to careers and people moving on for any number of reasons.

Speaker 2:

But one of the things that it got me thinking about was knowing when it's time to leave and sometimes understanding that you can outgrow a place, you can outgrow a position, a profession, and it's important to know within yourself when is it time to move on. There's a natural space, of course, when people retire, as I mentioned, and it's time for them to move on because of age or because of years of service, and they're ready to move on to the next thing. But short of that, there's also a moment when you have to ask yourself if you have given everything that you can to the position that you're in and is it time to move on. And as I was thinking about that and reflecting on people that I know that are moving on from various careers, I was also asking myself what do I want people to say about me when it's time for me to move on?

Speaker 2:

And not to sound egotistical, but I was really having a deep reflective moment in wondering what will people say when it's time for me to move on. Will they focus on how many negotiations did I accomplish and what were the results of those? How many memos did I write and what was the impact of my written word on a particular outcome? Is that what I want them to say or do I want to talk about? Do I want them to talk about the difference that I made and how I helped someone, how I made a situation better, how I helped someone leverage their skills to get a promotion?

Speaker 2:

And so it got me to thinking about, as I look around me and feel and see and experience other people's anxiety, and as I reflect on people who are leaving and moving on, what is one thing that I can write down per week that I'm proud of. So that's my first tip think about something that you can write that you're proud of that you've done during the week. Again, as you're taking in the chaos, the anxiety and trying to manage yourself and regulate your own emotions, what's one thing that you can write down that you've accomplished that's meaningful to you? I'll turn it back to you, belinda, to hear your thoughts.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, no, I would agree with what you've just said and, as always, I think some of our tips are actually going to overlap.

Speaker 2:

Of course.

Speaker 1:

And that's a best practice anyway, right? In this case, it's important for your resilience and your ability to lead, but also writing down your accomplishments each week will come back to serve you well during evaluation periods or other things. Even whether it's your evaluation or your team's, it's just a best practice in general. I'll jump into my first thought for the week, which I've been thinking a lot about. How many people are running on adrenaline and they're just like staying on like 10 and that isn't sustainable. And when you are operating on like 10 at all times, it actually is diminishing your performance and the performance of people around you is diminishing your performance and the performance of people around you. So I've been thinking about like health as an investment in yourself. I've been thinking about elite athletes how, like Simone Biles, cannot pretend that it is the final floor exercise of the gold medal round of the all around every time she gets on the mat. Some days she needs to come to the mat relaxed and some days she needs to come to the mat on 10. And if she always came to the mat like this, she would risk injury. She would just. It wouldn't be good If she always came to the mat like this. She would risk injury, she would just. It wouldn't be good.

Speaker 1:

So I've thought about what are some areas that you can think about in this way that you check yourself on so that you maintain your energy level and you only spike to 10 when you need to, right. And so I think the first of those is really thinking about sleep, which sounds simple. It's really obvious to me that a lot of people around me are not getting a lot of sleep, and it affects your ability to think, it affects your mood, it affects how you communicate with people, and so if you're coming to the table sleep deprived, how are you making good decisions? And that's just going to not bode well in the future. The other idea I was thinking about was, literally, your energy management. Right, it's just not sustainable to operate at a high performance, and so what are you doing to build up that side of you? Are you finding time to exercise, to walk something, to regulate that? And then, finally, thinking about emotional resilience. There's a lot of crises happening right now. Our teams need a lot of inspiration. We have to maintain this mental and emotional clarity in order to help get people to where we need them to land, and so I've thought about.

Speaker 1:

What are some steps in this moment that we can all take to regulate that. So one is being aware of those three elements and checking in with yourself and saying where am I on a scale of one to 10 with all of those, and how can I get to five when I need to or lower? The other is carving out committed time and for me, the only time that I really have control of is the early morning. Right, I have to get ahead of my family, I have to get ahead of clients, I have to get ahead of the workplace. So carving out even just 15 minutes every morning or evening, whatever's best, and using that to replenish yourself, saying that I'm committed to 15 minutes of exercise or meditation or a little of both or whatever it is, treating that with the same level of commitment that you would treat an important meeting, is the beginning of investing in you and building that kind of compound interest in you to truly get a return on investment in your ability to deliver.

Speaker 2:

So that's the first thing that I've been thinking a lot about this week thinking a lot about this week and it resonates with some of the things that I have been thinking about as well, particularly your point on rest and the value of sleep. It was so funny going back to the office after being out for two weeks at the end of last year. Everyone was like, oh, you look so well-rested. As a matter of fact, yes, I am, I got a lot of sleep. And to your point on sleep being so important for yourself on a personal level, for your personal health, but also for your team, and frankly, I knew going into this year that I was going to need everything within my personal emotional, mental reservoir to be able to show up for my team in the way that they need me to show up. And I knew that at the end of 2024, I was tired. I don't want to say I was burned out, but I was tired and I knew that I needed to rest. And so for the last two weeks of December, I did just that and I challenged myself to be bored. Think about it. When was the last time you were bored? We're always on the go, whether it's on a professional level, as entrepreneurs, doing the podcast, managing our families, there's always something to do. When was the last time that you sat and did nothing? That was one of my goals for my vacation. People were asking me where are you going? What are you going to do? Yes, I went home to see my family in Richmond and spent some quality time with my parents, but the thing that was most important to me during that time was doing nothing and embracing sleep and getting as much sleep as possible, and I think that's a good segue to one of the other points that I wanted to make. In managing chaos and anxiety and taking in what's happening around us in the United States and globally, what is something that I can do on a personal level that will help me with my own resilience? And this may seem silly, as you mentioned, with sleep being. Of course, everyone needs to get sleep, but the value of rest can't be overemphasized.

Speaker 2:

For me, decluttering was also very important during my vacation. I had thousands of emails in my Gmail account. I have several Gmail accounts, like I'm sure many of you do. You have different emails for different purposes, and then you have your work email. I had let all of my inboxes accumulate to a level that was just not healthy mentally, and decluttering and deleting and getting rid of things and filing things away that I really needed to hang on to was so therapeutic just letting go of the clutter and the junk and the excess and the unnecessary noise. It was symbolic on many levels and it's something that I would challenge our audience to do. Think about ways that you can use this moment in time and get rid of components of your life, whether it's emails, whether it's people who are toxic, something in your life that needs to be managed and decluttered. What do you need to do in this moment to take action and get rid of the excess? I'll turn it back over to you, belinda.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, no, thank you. Those are all really good points and I think that taking time to not just declutter but also decluttering how you're receiving and where you're receiving yeah, we talked in an earlier episode about shutting out the noise. Yeah, we talked in an earlier episode about shutting out the noise. Also, while I'm decluttering, I'm asking myself these emails I'm receiving from X, are they bringing me joy?

Speaker 2:

Right.

Speaker 1:

Are they helping me? No, they're just adding to the clutter. Cool, it's going to go. That all takes time, but it's worth it. Yes, in the end. So I 100% agree with you. Yeah, I think that ties nicely with my final thought, which is really on thriving versus surviving. And I have observed a lot of people around me who are just going through the motions and just trying to make it. And I get it. We've all been there, we've all got bills to pay, we've all got whatever. But I do think that thriving, surviving, that's not living. No, I don't think that's why we were put on this earth to just survive. Just, I think a lot about that. Those commercials from the 80s where the guy gets up and he's time to make the donuts yes, I kid you not, vince, and I quote that all the time one life.

Speaker 1:

is that how we want to live it? Yeah, like time to make the donuts, and I. So I've been thinking about how does that show up in my life, because I I can't emphasize enough this idea that I think people are this includes myself operating right, I'm 10, stressed out, just in chaos and because so many people around us are doing it, it feels normal and we have to find ways to shake ourselves out of it and say this isn't normal. I need to figure out how I can step off of this treadmill Right. And so when I think about this surviving versus thriving kind of hamster wheel, it's like are you freaking out every Sunday evening because you have to go back into toxic place X or deal with crazy people Y? That is not the norm. It's not supposed to be the norm for us. Why are we accepting that? I think, taking a moment to notice what your emotional state is, literally on Sunday evenings.

Speaker 2:

Yeah.

Speaker 1:

Are you feeling dread? Are you feeling hopeful and excited? This should serve as an immediate check-in. If it's a pattern of negativity, to start thinking about. How are you going to create a life where you don't have to be scared on Sunday evenings? And then this idea of impact versus activity Do you find that you're just busy but you're not actually achieving anything? Are you just doing things that take a lot of energy but have low value? And if it feels like that, then again I think it's time to check in and say how can I create a life where it may not be tomorrow, it may not be instant doesn't have to mean sudden and dramatic moves, but acknowledging that is not normal, that is not serving you, and how can you do the things that you need to do and not have to live like that? And also I would say are you excited? Are you learning something? I did some things this week that aligned with my passions, right, and I was so happy. Like I had to make a presentation this week and normally a presentation you would say I'm very nervous, I'm scared. I was so excited to be able to talk about this particular issue because I feel passionate about it and it aligns with me at my core and I did great and the outcomes were great because my excitement showed right and my passion and my commitment showed.

Speaker 1:

When you're in a space that's allowing you to thrive and live in your gifts and surround yourself with people who are making you healthy, you can only be excited about the day. When there's so much turbulence around us, we really need to find paths that are going to allow us to have a glass is half full moment whenever we can. So I was just thinking about, okay, what are some questions you could ask yourself to check in, right, right, to check in and figure out. What does that path of thriving look like for me? If you reflect on, what kind of activities make you lose track of time or make you feel proud, or what are the problems that you naturally find yourself wanting to solve? What's the thing that people always ask you advice about? Those are indications of the direction you should probably be moving in, and maybe your current space can help you do that, or maybe you have to be more creative creative, then.

Speaker 1:

I guess the final piece I would add to that is, I think, looking for that, looking for those patterns as you journal, or starting a journal that allows you to track all of this. That says today I felt really energetic, so tracking your inner energy levels, I felt really positive. I felt really whatever. Tracking some of your achievements, as you said earlier. Tracking some of your achievements, as you said earlier, and also tracking the areas that are causing you friction.

Speaker 2:

Yeah.

Speaker 1:

And looking back over. That is something I did accidentally, and I was at one point I think it was when we were leaving Togo. Then we were getting ready to pack things and I found a bunch of old journals on a shelf and so this was like we're talking like 2010. I happened to just start looking through journals that I had been keeping since the late 90s that I was still carrying around with me. The patterns immediately jumped out at me, right, and then I thought about that. And then years later, we're talking like probably 2021. We're moving back here from Rwanda, back in the DMV and again I find a bunch of old journals that I've been carrying around the world and I look through them and I see the patterns of this made me happy. This was a little bit of friction. I wish I could do more of this.

Speaker 1:

I keep finding myself drifting to thinking about X, y and Z, and they were the same from 96 till. Even when I didn't remember what I wrote down. From like 1996 till 2021, there were clear patterns about what brought me joy. It wasn't until I got brave enough and organized enough to lean on my community and make a plan to say I got. I probably got more years behind me than ahead of me and let's do it Right.

Speaker 1:

Because, as you said at the beginning, shelby, you talk about what am I? What do I want my legacy to be in my organization? And I a hundred percent agree with that, and I used to say that all the time when I was at state. Now I think a lot about when I'm, maybe in a nursing home, maybe in my child's home, who knows?

Speaker 1:

When I'm somewhere, hopefully somewhere that makes me happy, what am I going to look back on my life? How am I going to look back on my life? Am I going to say, oh man, I wish I had taken that one chance? Now that I'm looking back, I realize it wasn't such a big deal If I had just applied for the thing or written that letter or raised my hand to volunteer for that project. What could have been different? I've had a lot of failures in life. I don't regret any of them. I don't regret any of them. I tried. It Didn't work. Now I know, but I don't have to wonder about it. So, really, journaling, thinking about those patterns, figuring out the questions that you need to check in with yourself and get off the treadmill, I think it's so important in this moment.

Speaker 2:

Couldn't agree more. Couldn't agree more, and I hope our listeners will take a few lessons from our reflections. When it comes to checking your adrenaline, making sure you're getting some rest, writing down things that you're proud of, journaling as you say, belinda and decluttering, these are all tools that we have readily at our disposal to manage ourselves in moments of uncertainty and moments of gray, like we're seeing right now. So we hope you found this episode insightful and helpful, and we encourage you to subscribe to our YouTube channel, to follow us on Instagram at leadership underscore T, to go to our website, wwwstirringsuccesscom, where you can learn more about the additional services that we're providing when it comes to coaching, and to stay up to date with our episodes and our newsletter up to date with our episodes and our newsletter, and let us hear from you If you have suggestions on future episodes that you think we should take into consideration. We are here for you, we are here for this community, and we look forward to sipping wisdom and stirring success with you again soon.

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