Leadership Tea
On Leadership Tea, we talk about what it takes to reach the executive level, and how to thrive when you get there. Powerful leaders share their journeys, insights, and triumphs in conversations with hosts Shelby Smith-Wilson and Belinda Jackson Farrier.
Join us every other Wednesday to be inspired by the unvarnished stories of amazing executives who know what it's like to be "the only" at the table and who have succeeded regardless. They have proven leadership experience in their respective fields, from international affairs to the private sector to academia, and want to help others create their own success stories.
Leadership Tea
What’s holding you back? Two coaches coach each other | S3 EP4
Belinda and Shelby turn the tables and engage in a coaching session with each other. They open up about their professional challenges and discuss strategies for navigating roadblocks and pursuing entrepreneurial goals, providing listeners with insights and actionable advice.
Belinda discusses her frustrations with closed professional circles, where connections seem to weigh more than competence. She wants immediate progress but may be held back by an ingrained habit of using only established channels. Shelby coaches Belinda to consider a different approach.
Shelby shares her challenges in launching a coaching business, including imposter syndrome and self-doubt amidst a competitive market. Belinda nudges Shelby to think bigger and to focus on her ideal client, rather than on perceived constraints.
We publish new episodes every other Wednesday.
Follow us on Instagram @Leadership_Tea for more inspiration and insights.
Get your FREE copy of our Strategic Change Workbook
Learn more about us at stirringsuccess.com
Welcome everyone to the Leadership Tea podcast, where we talk about not only what it takes to reach the executive level of your career, but also what it takes to thrive once you get there. I invite you to join us on YouTube, where I think it creates a different experience when you join in the fun and the discussion, and I think today's conversation is one where it probably will help to see our body language and our faces. So I would really invite you to do that if you can, and we hope that we're delivering content that you find to be useful in your own journey.
Shelby:So for this episode we thought we would do something a little different. We are going to coach each other. We're going to have a real life conversation about some of the things that each of us is working through and see where the conversation takes us and hopefully share some wisdom with you and give you some advice that you might be able to apply to your own life circumstances. So I am going to start by just asking Belinda a simple question like what's going on with you? How are you feeling these days?
Belinda:Oh, a lot. I think I'm feeling like I finally have a good sense of the direction I want to take my company and the things that I want to focus on. I'm feeling really confident about those different parts of the company as well. It all hasn't come together like that before. At the same time, I'm like ready to roll, I'm ready to go, and I feel a sense of urgency as well, because the economy right now feels very unsteady, and so I want to get in where I fit in as quickly as possible. I've had this epiphany of what I want to do and, particularly on the communication side, what I want to focus on.
Belinda:But it's a space that is a club. This particular niche is very much a club, and it's not that people are in the club because they are so great at what they do. It's like their friend group is in the club, and so when you're trying to break in, they're like where are you? Have you been out with me and my friends? Like, were you there 10 years ago with us when we were doing all this other stuff? And so it has been a struggle. With that said, there are some spaces at very kind of bottom rung that I've been able to break into. But there people are like, hey, we love your ideas, everything you've said is great, like, tell us more. And then they'll invite me back again, come tell us some more. And then they'll say, come, tell us some more.
Belinda:And it's like, but when am I going to get to the table? Also, when am I going to get a check that part, when am I going to get to the table and a check? Because you're taking my plans and you're taking them to the table and you keep coming back to me for revisions. Oh yeah, that was really great, but I didn't quite understand what you meant when you said A, b and C. Can you explain that again, so you sound good with my stuff at the table? Also, I'm not getting paid and at first, for like a very brief period, I was willing to go along with it, thinking, okay, maybe I'll just do this and this will help me get in the club. I feel like I'm being strung along with my newfound confidence, realizing I'm being strung along because I'm competent and you all need my ideas. That actually has empowered me and I think what?
Shelby:I'm going to do is just shoot my shot at my dream opportunities in this field. So what's holding you back?
Belinda:What's holding me back? I still have a sense of protocol and hierarchy from government. I still have a sense of I shouldn't call those people. They're really important. I'm just Belinda. I have a, I think, an inclination to be diplomatic. Okay, I'm going to work with my contacts and work my way up there, and that's not working. I think if there were anything that's holding me back now, I think I just need to gain clarity on which organizations and individuals I want to target. What do I say? What do you say, when all that matters is are you friends with our friends.
Belinda:You see, yeah, how do you break through? You can be the most competent person in the room, but are you friends with our friends? That's all that ultimately matters, and I'm doing the things that need to be done to become I won't say friends, but known to their friends. Right, that will take time and I need to make moves today.
Shelby:But as you're thinking about making those moves, do you need to be at different tables Like I get what? I get what you're saying in terms of wanting to make sure that you are in the right spaces and having value add and using your skills in a way that will take people, take their projects or whatever, to the next level. But are you in, I guess? I'm wondering are you in the right spaces?
Belinda:You are correct. I think that I am not in the right spaces. I think that I'm not in the right spaces. I think if you had spoken to me a day or two ago, I would have said I know that I'm not in the right spaces, but these feel like the best spaces I can get right now. Hmm, but I don't feel that way anymore. Last year I talked a lot about wanting to be 19-year-old Belinda again. That just does stuff. I've been doing that lately and it just really works. And 19-year-old Belinda would be like no the same for me. I'm better than this, yeah, which really skip all the protocol and go right to the top, Right. So, yeah, I think I'm going to let her lead.
Shelby:Let 19-year-old Belinda lead. What does that look?
Belinda:like it felt impulsive and like a whirlwind then, but I've never been a whirlwind person. It's managed risk but it's risk-taking and it's the willingness to hear no. Okay, like now I know. Right, keep it moving, keep it moving. Thanks for the feedback. As I've grown older, I've been reluctant to hear no and I've been reluctant to put myself out there to be embarrassed by it. Now I'm willing to walk into a room, right now, I think, and say I don't know what y'all do at this table, but what I do know is that what you need, the service that you need, I'm good at. I can give it to you. I can give it to you Ten times over. I'm good at it, I can give it to you, I can give it to you Ten times over. On my social media, a lot of clips from Scandal have been hitting my feed. Mm-hmm, you know I love Scandal, yes, and I just I want to be Olivia Pope, without the murder and the affairs and the man Right, right, any murder.
Shelby:Without all the baggage and the stuff.
Belinda:Right, I hear you okay, maybe I want to be a little bit of papa pope. Oh, say more about that. Papa pope knew he was underappreciated, but also knew he was the best and just leaned into it and claimed it and just did the work. And he did not allow fear or he didn't question himself. He knew it was there, but he's like I will not. I reject this. I have to move forward. There's this quote where he's trying to stop Olivia from doing something and he says you're not going to do that come hell or high water. And I want you to know I am the hell and the high water.
Shelby:I remember that, yes, yes. So how do you feel when I say to you, belinda, you are the hell and the high water?
Belinda:Yes, Belinda, you are the hell and the high water. Yes, I feel like I'm ready to unleash that and I feel enthusiastic about taking a moment to breathe, taking a moment to get organized and laying out then who am I bringing that hell and high water to? Okay, you know, I was talking to someone in one of these spaces earlier today and I don't know. They were just talking about the everyday kind of minutia and interpersonal issues and all these things. I was like yo, there are real things that need to be addressed right now and I am the person to do it. I'm on the phone with you right now so we can do that. Like, I feel passionate about the thing and it needs to be done now and I want to take that passion where it's needed. And one thing I hope to stay focused on is that and not allow myself to get caught up in the baggage.
Shelby:Yeah.
Belinda:My own and other people's.
Shelby:Yes, yes. So I would challenge you, if you haven't already, to write down who are you bringing the hell and high water to?
Belinda:Make your list.
Shelby:Make your list. Who are you shooting your shot to?
Belinda:That's what I need to do. That's what I need to do. Who am I shooting my shot to? I'm going to think about that, and I like this hell or high water thing. I have a journal that the title of it is plans for world domination Mm-hmm, that the title of it is plans for world domination. But I feel like this hell or high water meets the moment. It does. It meets the moment and so, yeah, I'm gonna. I'm gonna sit with that and implement or, as a former boss of ours used to say, actionate actionate.
Shelby:yes, I remember that. Yes, but I want you to do it in the context of how would 19-year-old Belinda, how would she actionate?
Belinda:Fair. That is a good point you need 19-year-old Belinda, energy to meet this moment.
Shelby:I really do.
Belinda:You're right, I'm going to work on that. All right, you got your homework.
Shelby:I got my homework. I feel going to work on that. All right, you got your homework.
Belinda:I got my homework. I feel ready. I feel ready. Now tell me, what would you like to talk about today?
Shelby:Oh, okay, where to start? I'm trying to follow in your footsteps of entrepreneurship, within the legal limits of what I can do given my current job, but wanting to really branch out into a coaching business, and feeling I've been feeling some frustration. I've been feeling like, okay, I have done everything I need to do from a legal standpoint to set up an LLC, to register the business, basically crossing all the T's, dotting all the I's to be a legal business on paper, and yet there are moments when I feel like a lot of the funding streams or sources of capital that I could take advantage of, a lot of those programs, are being shut down Like man. How do I really get this business off the ground in a way that will make sure that I'm not even successful, but just like legit? Okay, I have a website, I have services that I provide, I have put aside resources to make sure that I get the business off the ground just at a very basic level, and I'm struggling because I know that there are other people trying to do the same thing and I hate the term imposter syndrome, but I do think that there's a little bit of that creeping into my subconscious. I know so many other people are trying to get into this space and I'm competing against them.
Shelby:And then I'm also trying to make sure that the finances are right. I have a daughter getting ready to go to college. I've also trying to make sure that the finances are right. I have a daughter getting ready to go to college, I've got bills to pay, I've got other financial responsibilities, and sometimes it's just frustrating because it's like man, how do you make this all work? Like we talk about reinventing ourselves, I'm trying to do that, and yet there are these roadblocks that I'm coming across and just like, okay, is it really? Is it worth it? So that's kind of where I am Like. Some days I'm feeling excited, other days I'm just like, oh, how's this all going to come together?
Belinda:So I would ask what do the programs and services that you would have utilized represent?
Shelby:What do they represent? I think they partially represent opportunities like contracting opportunities, for example, so potential clients, and so it's okay. Are these opportunity streams suddenly going to be cut off for me? And then that just sends me down this downward spiral of oh, what about this, what about that? Oh, just forget it. Am I wonder if there's other types of community that?
Belinda:you could seek in their place.
Shelby:Other types of community Okay.
Belinda:So what did people do before these programs existed? They relied on I'm going back to your phrase community is clutch, Right, Right. They would go to their community, to people who are already doing that, to people who are already building, to people who have already been down that road. They would go to their Harriet. They would go to their chosen community and get those resources.
Shelby:Right, it's funny you should mention that because just this week I was on the website for our church wondering, okay, maybe I need to start small, and that's not to belittle the church, but just to think about what you said. But just to think about what you said, what are the resources at a community level that already exist, where I could just walk through those doors and see where they lead me?
Belinda:What do you think in the next, say, 30 days? How could you put this into practice?
Shelby:I could start by just sending emails to some of the community organizations that I'm already familiar with and I've been thinking about this too like start small in terms of offering coaching services on a pro bono level and seeing where that takes me in terms of, you know, having word of mouth, referrals and that sort of thing. So I can do that. That's one step that I'd already been thinking about, which is easy to just put myself out there and take a dose of my own medicine. Take my own advice that I shared with you in terms of just shoot my shot, but start at the community level, communities that I'm familiar with, like you said, and just see where that takes me.
Belinda:And then, ultimately, where would you like to see it lead to?
Shelby:I'm really trying to lean into the advice that we've been giving to our listeners right. I want to focus on what I'm passionate about and I would like, by the end of the year, to have the coaching business really take off and have regularly paying clients that are coming to me for a service and are recommending my services to other people, so that the business slowly takes off. I haven't really done any of that yet.
Belinda:So, rather than framing it as thinking small, is it rather framing it as, maybe, exploring your niche, exploring as you develop your avatar of your ideal customer? Maybe what you're really seeing is I want to explore, is that avatar right? Do I have all the details correct? Is there more I could do to explore?
Shelby:Yeah, that's a thought. I really do need to sit down and explore who's my ideal customer, who am I targeting? Going back to our last season in terms of leading yourself and thinking about who your customer base is and who your ideal client is? That's a good reminder. Yeah, that's a good homework assignment for me.
Belinda:So why is it that you think that you're not ready for big things?
Shelby:That's a good question. I think it's because it's something that I've been doing for years and it's second nature to me, and so something that comes naturally. I have a hard time linking that to something big, and that's my own inner insecurity or self-doubt as to why I can't seem to make that leap into thinking that this could be something big.
Belinda:Where do you think that's coming from?
Shelby:I think the shackles have been on for so long in terms of being accustomed to doing a certain job and only thinking within that prism and not allowing myself to think about other possibilities outside of the box that I have created for myself and really just letting go of any inhibitions. You've only done this thing for so long. Are you ready? Are you as good as you think you are at this other thing? That's probably holding me back.
Belinda:I completely understand that. My challenge to you would be, in the next days and weeks, to sit with the idea of who are you when you are unconstrained? Who are you when the only limits that you have are those that you're setting for yourself? If I were to ask you questions like how much money do you want to make in your business this year, or how many clients do you want to have per month, or what are the boundaries of your personal life going to be, and how will you set the hours of your business, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera, I have a feeling you may reach into the constrained place and say what's realistic?
Belinda:What's say what's realistic, what's reasonable, what's allowable? Yeah, but it's your business. You're the only one setting what's allowed, what's reasonable, what's whatever. If you need a billion dollars a year to live your life that's the goal then that's what we're doing and we're reverse engineering it. So I would sit with what are my dreams for my business, my goals for myself, the ways in which I will conduct it, when I am unconstrained by the glass cliffs, the glass ceilings and everything else that's been put around me.
Shelby:Okay, I've got my homework. Who am I when I'm unconstrained?
Belinda:Yes, I love it. This was a good. I needed this.
Shelby:I know right.
Belinda:There's so much chaos that, like I, have to work every day to stay focused.
Shelby:Yes, this was helpful. I'm so accustomed to informally coaching other people and I do have a coach. I've spoken about my coach in other episodes, but usually that person is coaching me on my day job and not this other part of my life that I want to give energy to.
Belinda:So thank you, thank you this was thank you, we're going to go, come hell or high water.
Shelby:Right, right, I need to tap into. I don't know if it's 19 year old Shelby or 21 year old Shelby. I'm going to think about that too, like what version of myself from years past had this unconstrained outlook on life. I need to find her and tap into her.
Belinda:Yeah, I love it, thank you.
Shelby:Thank you all. We hope that you enjoyed this episode of the Leadership Tea podcast. Please leave us a review on Apple or Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts, and we look forward to sipping wisdom and starting success with you again real soon.
