Leadership Tea

Shoot Your Shot: Ask for What You Want | S3 EP6

• Shelby Smith-Wilson and Belinda Jackson Farrier • Season 3 • Episode 6

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This episode is about calculated risks and proactive steps towards your goals. Inspired by their previous coaching session, Belinda and Shelby challenge you to take action and step out of your comfort zone to achieve your goals. 

Belinda talks about asking for what she wants for her business and notes the positive outcomes and valuable data she's gained. Shelby reflects on her "unconstrained self" from her boarding school days, aiming to bring that same bold and audacious energy to her goals today.

They encourage you to identify one area in your professional life where you need to ask for what you want – and to do it in the next 30 days. Like Dion Sanders says: You've gotta keep making plays! 

And to support you in this challenge, Belinda and Shelby have created a pledge sheet and a hype music playlist!

In this episode:

  • Belinda and Shelby sharing their progress after their previous coaching session 
  • Belinda shares some of the results of asking for what she wants in her business
  • Shelby reflects on her confident "unconstrained self" and aims to bring that energy to her current goals
  • Belinda and Shelby challenge listeners to identify one area for self-advocacy in the next 30 days

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Belinda:

Hey everyone, this is the Leadership Tea Podcast, where we talk about how to get to the next level and how to thrive once you get there. I'm Belinda Jackson-Farrier. I'm a former diplomat, a leadership coach and a public speaker.

Shelby:

Together, belinda and I bring close to 50 years of experience working in government, the private sector and as entrepreneurs, and together we bring you our tips on how to lead and thrive at the executive level, but also how to grow your leadership skills Right.

Belinda:

So often you'll hear us give tips and ideas about how to grow as a leader and how to help your team grow as well, but today we're going to do something a little different. It's spring here where we are, and spring is this period of growth. So we're here to hype you up, because what we're going to do this spring is grow as leaders and as executives and just as people.

Shelby:

Yeah, I'm really excited and if you listened to our episode where we talked about what's holding you back, where Belinda and I coached each other on real life situations in terms of what we're thinking about right now, what we're struggling with, in terms of what we're thinking about right now, what we're struggling with, and this episode is designed to follow up on that conversation and share with you where we are in our personal journeys and encourage you to challenge yourselves, to join us on this journey, in doing a new thing and hyping ourselves and being encouraged to stretch ourselves to new levels.

Belinda:

Yeah, exactly, I love that term like we need to stretch and being encouraged to stretch ourselves to new levels yeah, exactly, I love that term like we need to stretch and we need to grow. I think I can kick it off. I'll start Okay and say during that episode where we coached each other, we talked about some of the limiting thoughts that I had that were keeping me from moving forward and growing, particularly in my business, that I wasn't getting the opportunities or the chances that I needed to grow because I wasn't asking for them and in maybe some ways, I thought I didn't deserve them. You know, I had to get more experience or I had to do whatever, but especially in entrepreneurship, right, the only barrier to growth is me. So if I'm not growing, my bank account is not growing, my net worth is not growing, my business is not scaling. So I thought about that and I decided I would spend a month pushing myself into uncomfortable spaces where I was asking for what I want, where I was declaring my value, where I was letting people know what I needed from particular spaces. And I'm here to tell you that no one has batted an eye. It has only resulted in doors opening and good things happening, or it has resulted in me receiving data right. I need this. Oh, Belinda, I'm glad you asked. We don't have it Like, okay, that's a data point. Now I know I need to go over here not to you or, as I've been putting it to you just shooting my shot, and we talked a little bit about this video that was around last year with Deion Sanders talking about sometimes there's this intervening period where nobody knows who you are.

Belinda:

You're still trying to make it, you're just working hard and doing the work, but you've got to, like he says, keep making plays. You just have to keep making plays and eventually you'll get the ball down the field right. Eventually, things are going to happen. That is the spirit in which I have been operating in the last 30 days. I'm just going to keep making plays.

Belinda:

Some plays are not going to end up the way that I wanted them to. Some plays just going to keep making plays. Some plays are not going to end up the way that I wanted them to. Some plays are going to push me backwards, but I'm not going to. I'm not going to feel down about that, I'm just going to go. Well, got to keep making plays Right and not to make sports, but keep shooting my shot. I can't emphasize enough how helpful that's been, and I wish that there had been moments whether it's you're talking about getting a promotion or asking to join in on some project that's going to help push you and stretch you in your career things like that. There's so many opportunities in our lives, particularly our professional lives, where we can keep making plays and shoot our shot.

Shelby:

Yeah, I love it as a coach. I love that you took real action on our session. Like you, internalized what we discussed and put together a plan, an action plan that you are following through on and stayed with me to the point where it's oh, my goodness, belinda is in my head like every day. Who is Shelby when she is unconstrained? And people were writing me. People were writing me, emailing me, commenting on how that question resonated with them as well. So it was a very powerful moment and I had been reflecting on it every day since you posed the question who am I when I'm unconstrained? And it caused me to think about moments in my life when I felt unconstrained, and one that came to mind like in a really powerful way was when I went away to boarding school.

Shelby:

I was 14 years old. I didn't know what I was getting myself into. I had never heard of the New England system of boarding schools. All I knew was that this fancy school in New Hampshire sent down an admissions officer to my middle school. They interviewed me and a few other students and a few months later I was looking at an acceptance letter and my parents were like wow, this doesn't happen often to people in our community from our humble beginnings and they knew what an incredible opportunity it was, and so did I.

Shelby:

But I had no idea exactly what I was getting myself into. I just knew that I was prepared. Idea exactly what I was getting myself into. I just knew that I was prepared. I knew I had done my best in school. I was rocking it in my classes, I was involved in a lot of extracurricular activities. I knew that the package that I put together in applying to this school was rock solid and I had no fear.

Shelby:

I was just bold and audacious and unapologetic about who I was and what I brought to the table, and I was just very self-assured that, yes, of course I got into this elite school because I had done the work, I was qualified. I checked all the boxes and I never thought, oh, I'm going to be in the minority. I'm going to be surrounded by people who are even more prepared than I am, who have grown up in this culture that has groomed them to be successful in this environment in a way that is far beyond anything that I've been accustomed to. But at the time I wasn't thinking about any of those things. I just knew okay, I'm Shelby Smith and I'm going to go to this school and it's going to be an amazing experience, and it's that type of energy, that type of self-assuredness and confidence and the fact that I was completely unbothered by the things that eventually came to pass and some of the challenges that I had to face.

Shelby:

But 14-year-old Shelby was like I'm ready to take on the world, I can do this, I've got this. That is the type of energy that I need to bring to this moment, as I'm on the verge of turning 50 and looking at my life the verge of turning 50 and looking at my life and trying to figure out what's next and how do I meet this moment, as we talked about in previous episodes. And so I want to bring like you, I want to bring 14-year-old Shelby energy to this moment to shoot my shot. And in shooting my shot, I'm thinking about how do I leverage the networks that I have? We've talked a lot about boxing ourselves in and not thinking beyond the limits that we put on ourselves, and so I've really been thinking about okay, who are the people within my network who can help get me to the next level?

Shelby:

Who do I need to ask for help or not even help? Who do I just level? Who do I need to ask for help? Or not even help? Who do I just? Who do I need to make my pitch to in terms of, hey, this is where I am at this moment in time, this is what I can bring to the table. Do you know of people who are in need of this service? Or do you know how my talents might be able to be utilized in X, y or Z project? And I just want to do like you're saying shoot my shot and be bold and be audacious and bring that 14-year-old energy to the table and not second guess myself or think about all the ways in which things could go wrong, but to just be assured of myself and meet the moment.

Belinda:

Yeah, that exactly. I think that's a really good place to put yourself in. Maybe even I'm sure you already have like journaled Of course I have but perhaps there's a little note or something you could write to yourself and put into your wallet and when you're out and about and you're not near that journal and you're feeling a little bit unsure and unsteady, look back at it. Just a little something to remind you. I don't know if you can get to shoot your shot unless you really define what unconstrained looks like, because you have to be sitting in that to say like, yeah, I'm gonna roll up here, I deserve this, I'm gonna do this For me.

Belinda:

I've changed, I'm doing the network thing, but slightly different. I'm saying how can I expand my network? I want to do things that are outside of my network? Right, the unconstrained me was like, if I were honest with myself, I want to do X and my network cannot quite deliver that for me. So I've had to quickly build a new network.

Belinda:

A lot of that has started with putting myself at tables that I think I'm qualified for, but like they don't know me, I'm just. I'm like hey, I'm Belinda. It's helped me really refine my elevator pitch. Yeah, I'm here at this table boldly. This is what I do, this is what I bring. This is my value. I'm actually really good at this. I'm actually good at this. Yeah, watch, let me give you a little sample and learn better. Just to give a sample and not give it all away. Yeah, don't, yeah, don't give away the store working on it. Here's what I do. Yeah, you like that? I know, so let's negotiate. Here's what I want. I've been writing letters to really prominent people. Hi, I'm belinda and I'm awesome. That's amazing because you are and you need me, because obviously, the old way is not working.

Shelby:

Yeah.

Belinda:

So let me bring some new stuff. And people have been responding so you can surprise yourself. Yes, and I'm like oh, really, oh, can you come speak at this workshop? Can you come to this conference? Can you come to this meeting?

Shelby:

Actually, yeah, yeah, we're saying the same things. Yeah, when I say look at my network and try and leverage it, I actually am referring to people that aren't necessarily within my inner circle. It's like the concentric circles. It's like the circles outside of the circles that I'm trying to tap into. Somebody said to me the other day I'm calling you because I'm trying to tap into.

Belinda:

Somebody said to me the other day I'm calling you because I just appreciate your gumption. Yeah, it's like, yeah, okay, okay, girl, that's what we're doing, right. And she's like so I've been thinking about how I can help you because, yes, you're awesome and you have gumption, and I was like, yes, I do, thank you, that's why I deliver. Yeah, I deliver. I've just been really excited about the results. I just feel like I've done more in the last 30 days than I have for months, because I've been like well, let me respect the hierarchy and let me get a little more experience before I ask to sit at that table.

Shelby:

I've just been walking around. We don't have time for that. No, yes, you're at the table.

Belinda:

Right, you're turning the table over if you need to. Yeah, and you've heard me talk about 19-year-old Belinda and 19-year-old Belinda was yeah, I have an idea and here it is, you don't have to take. Someone said to me the other day I always got to talk about Spelman, yes. Someone said I was like, hey look, I've been going around pitching this idea. It's going to work out. I've got all these partners involved. And the person was like, yeah, I wasn't worried about you, spelman women. You always, you're always out here like making it come together, making it work.

Shelby:

Facts. I was like you're right.

Belinda:

Right, work. Thanks, you're right, I forgot about that. Yeah, I'm just. Yeah, I'm gonna lean into that, right, right, but we've all got it in us, yeah, and we've all got a thing that's grating at us. Oh, and also, my daughter's class is studying Hamilton right now, the musical, okay. Yeah, and so we were watching it the other day on TV and of course my shot comes on and I'm like, yeah, like I'm not throwing away my shot, I'm not going to throw my shot Exactly.

Belinda:

Where's my shot? No, we all have a shot to take.

Shelby:

We all have a shot.

Belinda:

Let's do it. And what's stopping you and what's the worst thing that could happen? We've all got a shot to take that is low to medium risk but high reward. Yeah, yes, I'm not saying walk into your boss's office and say give me a raise or I quit, Like no, no.

Shelby:

Right, don't be dumb, don't be crazy, but see your calculated risks.

Belinda:

And don't be afraid to advocate for yourself. Yeah, so you've heard us talk about how we have pushed ourselves, how we have challenged ourselves, how we have decided to take our shots in the last 30 days. It has been instructive and informative and paid dividends. We want to challenge you to do the same. We want to ask that you consider one thing in your life probably your professional life that you just need to ask for, you just need to advocate for yourself and see what happens right. And we want to give you 30 days to do it and see what happens right. And we want to give you 30 days to do it.

Belinda:

So on our website, you're going to find a pledge you can make to yourself. You can just print it, save it, whatever you want to do and just write down that thing that you're going to do in the next 30 days. Put it somewhere where you can think about it, sit down, journal, ponder. We feel so strongly about this. We're creating a playlist on Spotify of hype music To get you there, so we'll have links to those as well in the show notes that you can go listen to it on your way into work. My contributions are going to be a little 90s heavy.

Shelby:

Don't worry about that. 90s was like the best decade for music. Real talk, just facts, right.

Belinda:

It is what it is.

Shelby:

It is what it is.

Belinda:

But they are truly the songs that we listen to when we need to get hype Right. This is what I listen to to feel motivated, and the same for Shelby.

Shelby:

Absolutely. This is a real coaching tool that I use with my clients. I encourage people to have hype music all the time, especially when they know they're going to have a rough day. I tell them put on your best jam as you're headed into the office to get yourself mentally prepared for whatever it is that you're about to walk into. And so, yes, I'm a huge believer in playlists. I really hope that you all will enjoy what we put together and send us your suggestions of what you think should be on the playlist.

Belinda:

Oh yeah, we can make adjustments. Definitely Make this pledge to yourself. Go to our website at stirringsuccesscom, and also we'll have a link to it. You'll find the pledge sheet. Be sure to tap into the music if you need it. And if you're going to participate, leave us a comment and say shoot your shot. We're there to hype you up.

Shelby:

Yes, as we say all the time, community is clutch and we want you to be part of this community as we're shooting our shots collectively. Let us know what's going on in your lives as we continue to share with you our personal progress in how we are holding ourselves accountable.

Belinda:

Thank you again for joining us here. I hope that this inspires you to reflect on what you need to do. What are the plays that you need to make right now? There's no time like the present. Let's shake it up. We've given you some tools. They're going to help you know that you have a community behind you that's celebrating you doing that and that's going to give you what you need to make it happen.

Shelby:

Thanks again for joining us for the Leadership Tea podcast. If you are looking to become a better leader, we encourage you to subscribe to our podcast. Leave us a review on Apple or wherever you listen to podcasts. We really enjoy getting feedback from all of you, and we encourage you to share our content with your friends. Leave us suggestions on content that you would like to hear us discuss in the future, and we look forward to Sipping Wisdom and Starting Success with you again real soon.

People on this episode

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Belinda Jackson Farrier

Co-host
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Shelby Smith-Wilson

Co-host