Leadership Tea

Choosing Community and Clarity in Challenging Times | S4 EP2

• Shelby Smith-Wilson and Belinda Jackson Farrier • Season 4 • Episode 2

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Career transitions can be emotionally challenging, but with the right community and strategic approach, they become opportunities for growth, authentic connection, and clarity. 

In this bonus episode:

  • Shelby shares her experience being laid off after a 26-year career and launching her business, The Fendall Collaborative.
  • Belinda introduces her new Clarity Lab initiative -- a group coaching program designed to help professionals navigate career transitions through community connections.
  • Shelby and Belinda emphasize the importance of recalibrating based on new information rather than sticking rigidly to outdated plans, the value of authentic community, and the importance of grieving losses while moving forward.

"Repose: A Day of Reflection" - October 25, 2025
We're excited to announce our in-person event, "Repose: A Day of Reflection." This will be an intimate gathering at Salamander Middleburg (Virginia) for professionals seeking community in a safe space where they can pause for reflection, strategic thinking, and networking.

Join us! Tickets are available now (and prices increase in October): https://www.stirringsuccess.com/repose

Mentioned in this episode:

The Fendall Collaborative: thefendallcollaborative.com

The Clarity Lab: sweetgrassadvisorygroup.com/the-clarity-lab

Femme Factor: thefemmefactor.com/events

Send us a comment!

We publish new episodes every other Wednesday.


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Get your FREE copy of our Strategic Change Workbook

Learn more about us at stirringsuccess.com


Belinda:

Welcome everybody to the Leadership Tea Podcast, where you know that we are going to always bring to you real talk about what it means to lead, and the lessons we wish we had learned along the way before we reached senior leader shi p r oles. And today we wanted to delve into an interesting topic along the theme of mental health, and dealing with the pressures of leading, pivoting and just trying to kind of make your way through this professional space.

Belinda:

So we wanted to talk about the changes that we have in our own lives and what we're experiencing, what we are doing, and how we are navigating the emotional ups and downs that go along with that, and how we are hoping to support our community during this really dynamic time where people across industries are also feeling this pinch.

Belinda:

So we'll start, maybe, by talking a bit about what Shelby's doing. Then we have a really exciting event coming up that I think could be useful and helpful to many of our listeners, that we want to share with you, and then I'll bring some insights about what I am doing in my own business and why I'm making the changes that I'm making and how it's affecting me and how I'm making it through that as well. So, Shelby, if you don't mind, I'd love to start with you and I think maybe a good place to start is to understand the changes that you have experienced this summer. It's been a really I want to say just eventful for you and your family, and there's been good times, there's been bad times, but you're still here, you're standing, and so maybe we can start by talking a little bit about that.

Shelby:

Yeah, thanks, belinda. And first I got to say you know, we always talk about having community and having a village and I'm just really thankful to have you in my village. You've been a huge support for me over the past few months which, as you mentioned, you know have been quite challenging for me on a personal level, which is why I'm glad that we have this space, we have this platform to be able to share our personal experiences, in hopes that it will help others who may be navigating similar situations. And as we think about this season and what we want to talk about, one of the focus points that we want to center on has to do with mental health and how we are personally navigating difficult moments in our lives. And I'll share with our audience, with our listeners, that I've been navigating a significant personal and professional hurdle in that I was laid off, in that I was laid off. You know this career that I built over, you know, 25 plus years actually 26 years by the time that this podcast episode airs. You know I was laid off from what was a very meaningful, impactful, successful at least on paper successful career and having to figure out where to go from here. You know I had already been thinking about potentially retiring and transitioning into something else, but the shock to my nervous system, to my emotional well-being, to just my overall identity, it was, you know, it was unsettling, it was unnerving. And you know, for the past few months I've been trying to process what happened as well as figure out what my next is. Because, as we've said in previous episodes, you know you don't want to wallow in the negativity when bad things happen, as they do to all of us. You don't want to stay in this space of negativity or scarcity. You want to grieve what's happening and then figure out a way to move on. And so I would say for the past few months it's been a process of grieving but also trying to figure out okay, how do I pick myself up and dust myself off and move on to the next thing? And we can talk about, you know, that process in detail in a future episode.

Shelby:

But apart from, you know, navigating this next thing, whatever my next will be, I have been focused on my business. I've officially launched my business. It's called the Fendall Collaborative, thank you. And you know I'm happy to say that for the first time I have paid clients. You know, for the majority of my career I've been coaching pro bono, even up until recently, even with the State Department. You know, coaching people pro bono and for the first time, you know, I'm getting paid to offer what I think is an invaluable service.

Shelby:

And I'm really trying to focus on what comes natural to me, which is what I call holistic coaching, where you blend, you know, the professional with the personal, even when you're talking about what it takes to be an executive, what it takes to be a successful executive, but also, just like what does it take to be effective as a leader? I'm a firm believer that you have to combine the personal with the professional in order to get, like, the right mix, the right combination of everything that you bring to the table, and so that's one of the things that I am emphasizing in my coaching business. It's really beyond just leadership coaching, it's holistic coaching, which is kind of a blend of everything, and I'm also expanding my network. One of my three words for the year, which was something we talked about in the last season one of my three words was to expand, and so I am looking to expand my network and I'm thankful to have been recruited as an expert on a social it's like a social digital platform that was designed by another entrepreneur, another woman entrepreneur, and it's called Femme Factor F, as in Frank E-M-M-E Femme Factor, and we can put notes about it in the show notes, but it's essentially a digital platform designed for mid-career women who are in transition or who want career advice, and so I'm really excited to be a part of this initiative because, as you and I have discussed many times, belinda, we are committed, you know, committed to women's empowerment.

Shelby:

Women supporting women is something we're both, you know, something we've both dedicated, you know, the majority of our careers to, and so this is an exciting kind of next step in my personal chapter in trying to really focus on the things that bring me joy and the things that I'm passionate about, really focus on the things that bring me joy and the things that I'm passionate about. So I'm really excited about that. I'll be giving a talk with the network in October, and we can leave more details about that in the show notes, but those are some of the things that I'm working on, and then, of course, there is this wonderful event that you and I are planning, which is something else that we've been working on for the past several weeks, so maybe I'll kick it back to you to talk about what we've got brewing at the Salamander yeah.

Belinda:

Yeah, you know I mean. First I just want to acknowledge that I know that we're going to at some point, when you're ready, really talk about what this summer has been like and how you've made this transition. And it's ongoing, yeah, not like you're just suddenly like well, that happened.

Shelby:

For sure Not at all yeah.

Belinda:

But I just want to acknowledge that like it's hard, like it's just it's hard, like it's just it's hard and it's hard to balance things happening directly to you still needing to be responsible and move forward, move forward, while still feeling like just everything around you is is just on fire. Yeah, like, where do you turn? Yeah, like it's just a really challenging time to be navigating that things that you're navigating. So I know that it can be up and down and you can feel pulled in different directions, and I think a lot of people do.

Belinda:

I know I do some days and I just want to acknowledge that I think that's fair and that's valid and there are no easy answers to getting out of that. Yeah, thank you, I appreciate it. Yeah, and as you would say, community is clutch and that's why you need community which leads back to the salamander. So first I want to clarify we're going to start saying salamander, salamander, salamander actually a series of luxury hotels and resorts I think that Sheila Johnson owns right that around all over the US and I think the Caribbean as well. We're talking about Salamander Middleburg. So for people in the DMV, don't think it's not Salamander DC, salamander Middleburg, virginia, the flagship place. So here's what we were thinking earlier this summer.

Belinda:

It's like there's a lot going on right, like I can't turn on my social media or the news or like anything without being bombarded with things that kind of send my nervous system into a frenzy and we don't have all the answers on how to fix it. But what we think we can do is help people create space to take a moment, take a beat and take a deep breath, surrounded by Other professionals we're trying to navigate this right now and just take a breath. We're calling it repose, a day of reflection. Just rest for a moment, think strategically for a moment, but not under pressure. Network a little bit, meet some people with different ideas, and it's going to be an ongoing theme.

Belinda:

I think you hear from us throughout the season, throughout. It's just network, meet new people, get exposed to new ideas, be pragmatic, be strategic, and that's what this event is designed to do. And one day we cannot solve all of our own individual or the world's problems, but in one day what we can do is have a moment of community and respite and focus Right. So what will be happening at Repose? Well, it will start mid-morning, so you're going to have breakfast and okay, one thing we should say for people who don't know the salamander any of the salamanders like the food.

Shelby:

I don't mind paying for good food, and we guarantee that the menu is spectacular and the quality of the meal will be on point.

Belinda:

And if people who are foodies follow Salamander, you know that each August they host a major food festival at Salamander Middleburg. This is a hotel, a resort I should say, that really prides itself on understanding and it's in wine country, right, like they are really thinking about spaces and food and quality and delivering a great experience. So we have a private room and a private patio. You'll come in. We will have a seated breakfast that's going to be incredibly yummy. We are going to take a bit of time to get to know each other in the room and there are only going to be a few of us y'all.

Belinda:

This is not going to be like for like hundreds of people. This is trying to keep the group very small, very intimate, to make sure that you leave the experience feeling like you got to know people and you got to share and exchange ideas. But we'll have opportunities to network, we'll have opportunities to reflect, we'll have opportunities to think. We also want to give you time to enjoy the resort. So you'll have a break, probably around 90 minutes to go to the spa.

Belinda:

They have one of the best spas in the mid Atlantic. You could walk around the resort. They have lots of different activities that you could, from walking along like a wooded path where they'll give you a basket and you can pick berries and fruits calmly, to just walking in the woods, fishing, riding a horse whatever it is you want to do, it's probably there. So you'll have an opportunity to experience and enjoy some of those activities. And then you'll come back. We'll have high tea. Their high tea is one of the best.

Belinda:

That's the part I'm really looking for you know right, and it wouldn't be the leadership team if there was not some tea.

Shelby:

Exactly.

Belinda:

And not the best tea, and we will have a. So we'll have this high tea and we'll also have more opportunities again to have some facilitated conversations in which we're reflecting, we are planning, we are networking and we will wind down our day. Right, this isn't meant to stress you out. This isn't meant to make you feel like you're doing the most. You should walk away from this event feeling refreshed and hopeful and focused and tied in with a community, Right? I mean, would you agree, Shelby?

Shelby:

Absolutely. I think you know one of the things that we've heard a lot from you all, but also just thinking about our own intuition and our own sixth sense, if you will, that there's a need for people to come together. Like we can do podcast episodes, we can have virtual spaces. You know, I think as a result of the pandemic, we've all learned how to conduct ourselves in virtual spaces.

Shelby:

You know we've been Zoom meeting to death, and I think you know there's a time and place for all of that, and you know the virtual world serves its purpose, but sometimes you just need to be in person with people. Sometimes you need that extra human connection, and that is an aspect of Repose that I'm looking forward to. It's something that Belinda and I have been talking about. You know, when it comes to building community, how can we do it in a way that's very authentic and intentional and purposeful, and we're hoping that this first event will be the, you know, the first of many. You know, as we seek to continue being of service to all of you, to this community that we're building in the virtual space, how do we make that even more impactful? That's one of the things that we've been thinking about 100%, 100%.

Belinda:

So, look, one thing that we should note is that, again, it will be a rather small group. We probably saw that. We have been talking about this in our social media spaces and discussing it throughout the summer, and we asked for people who were interested initially to share their information with us and we would provide an opportunity for them to have early access to tickets. By the time you see this episode, that early access will have ended and I can already tell you where we are. Is that for the tickets that remain. You probably don't want to sit on this. There aren't that many remaining, so when you see this, I would encourage you to follow the link that we'll include in the show notes and to go to our event right and go ahead and sign up.

Belinda:

You guys know that when we build something, we build it with intentionality. We build it very. We're just very mindful and deliberate about the way that we approach it. This is really meant to pour into you, and so please do reach out to us if you have any questions about it, but I would really encourage you to consider it and I would encourage you to act soon so that you get some of the remaining tickets, and the tickets will remain at a general admission price through September, but starting in October the price will increase. So please do act soon for what's left, If we have anything even left to sell.

Shelby:

I was going to say hopefully by October. Pretty close. The room is small Right.

Belinda:

Yes.

Shelby:

Yes. Yes, right, but I think it's going to be a lot of fun, fun. I'm really looking forward to.

Belinda:

I do too. I've really been motivated by the reaction to it and how some people are yeah which I guess is reflected in the ticket sales, but like it, and I just think that means that we're going to bring people together who really do want to build that sense of community and to really want that moment of repose.

Shelby:

Yeah, yeah for sure. So, speaking of pouring into people, I think we can wrap this up by hearing from you. How have you been pouring into yourself? What has Belinda been up to during the past couple of months?

Belinda:

I know a lot, but as usual, yeah, overscheduled as usual, yeah. So I think that I've reached a phase in my development as a founder and an entrepreneur of really stepping into my freedom, but with that comes a great deal of anxiety and joy. So I have all right, I'm multi-passionate, I have all these things that I'm working on, right, and so finally I feel free enough to write. I feel really passionate about when we you know, we talk about communities, collect communities, collect communities, collect communities. But, like I, really live it.

Shelby:

Yeah.

Belinda:

Mean it when I say it, and so I have a lot of feelings about what is happening, things that are happening in my community. So one thing I've been able to do in the last few months is really get involved in my community. I finally feel settled. I finally feel a part of this space.

Belinda:

I finally feel like I have something to offer the community and I feel for the first time in a long time maybe ever in my adult life that I am able, I'm allowed right, I'm not restricted from pouring into my community. So I've been doing a lot of things related to that. I've been working with a lot of really smart, talented, great people like you on a lot of collaborations and projects and things together, right, and so that's been really great. But as I and right, I've been building up my coaching you know, business and now have, you know, a couple dozen clients and things are great on that end like more broadly in the market that have that are driving me to think differently about where I see or where I'd like to serve people in the future. Right, so what I see more broadly, as I work with my clients on really thinking through their next steps in their career, whether that's because of a layoff or because they quit, or they were fired, or they just think that in a couple of years they'd like to make a change. Maybe they want a promotion, who knows? There's a lot of different ways of defining that, but what I'm seeing is that the ways in which we were taught to think about pivoting. You know, just dust off your resume and send it around, and just, you know even the modern ways of like, just go and check GPT and just like, make a change your resume and then apply to things Like that doesn't, it's not working.

Belinda:

I got my hypothesis. I'm like, why is that working? But, like, to the extent that there's something working, it is when I'm able to connect people to each other. Yeah, um, right, and I'm talking about, like my clients, like client a to client b. You guys have some stuff in common. I think you could help each other have a chat. Great things happen, right, when I help a client understand that, like, life might be handing you lemons, but there's something happening in the world right now that lemonade isn't going to cut it. You got to take those lemons and turn them into something else Limoncello Right.

Shelby:

Take those lemon seeds and plant them, or something, sweet tea, and lemonade, lemon slushies.

Belinda:

Right, but it ain't just plain old lemonade. No, you have to think completely outside of the box. That is what I think I want to help people do is say like I know that there's a lot of people out here in these streets telling you like I have a six-step system to help you do. I don't know the systems are working anymore.

Belinda:

It's yeah, things are weird, so here's what I have going on and I should say I'm trying to do implement this, like bringing it back to our theme of mental health, while, for me, balancing all this community stuff I'm doing, which is deeply emotional, and while also being very affected by you know, my daughter goes to school in the district and just being very affected by the things that are affecting her school experience, so that's very distracting and very emotionally draining, right, yeah, um. So, with that said, though, what I'm trying to launch is something that I'm calling the clarity lab, because and why like lab? Because, like I said, something's up in the air, something's different. I will not guarantee for you that, like, if you do A, b and C, it's perfect, but what I can say is that, if we all work together and pool our knowledge and kind of experiment, I think we can chart a path forward. We're gonna have to get in the lab, though, and mix it up.

Shelby:

Yeah.

Belinda:

So the lab is could be defined simply as a group coaching program, but it's a little more than that it is. We would meet once a month for like 90 minutes to talk about a specific facilitated kind of topic, and I should say that I'd like to keep the cohorts, like these groups 10 to 15 people max right, like very small, so we all get to know each other and we can trust each other and we can share. But it's having this like 90 minute conversation, right, and then a couple of weeks later having what I'm calling like a 90 minute office hours conversation where we address topics that people are bringing to the table in the group. Maybe we get to everybody, maybe only a couple of people have issues, but we all will help you think about something that you are challenged with right now on your pivot journey. And then I also want to have with this, an online community, and I am the first person to roll their eyes at an online community. Like what is it? I don't have time, I don't be logging in and stuff. Like is that going to get into my TikTok time? Like no, right. Like here is what I am like experiencing in other ways. I've seen work in other ways I think would be helpful. One we're going to have homework, and the homework must be in like it must be posted in this group and we must comment on each other's stuff. But the most important piece of all is that I have an expectation that each member of the group will, each month, have introduced themselves and have a side conversation offline, online, whatever separate from me, and just get to know each other. Like have 30-minute virtual coffee, like I don't care.

Belinda:

Begin each month to get to know the people in the online community. It will probably take us about six months. I'm asking people for a six-month commitment to build that sense of community. But it just such magic happens from person a talks to person b and says you know, I know somebody who does the thing that you're interested in. Well, you're trying to get contracts to do. You know, I know somebody who does the thing that you're interested in. Well, you're trying to get contracts to do X, y, z. Well, I know this person who blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And for people who are really just starting their pivot, often their network is very narrow in a specific like industry, and what I'm trying to do is hypercharge that broadening of it.

Shelby:

Yeah, it's like a multiplier effect.

Belinda:

Exactly, exactly, so people can find more information about it on my website. I can link to it in this. But that is what I'm trying to kick off and it just feels like the world's changing so quickly. But I don't want to sit on that. I'm actually incentivizing um, and this will be on on the site, but incentivizing people committing in september. I'd really love to kick this off in october, so that's the goal. That's what I'm manifesting my word like. I'm actually adding a word to the recorder for and that is recalibrate. Right and not in like. Sometimes people use recalibrate to say like something went wrong and we need to recalibrate. I don't know. I'm just saying I've received more information, received additional data, so I'm just going to recalibrate. Oh, you need more than running your resume through ChatGBT, let's recalibrate. Yeah, that is what I'm doing too, and on all the things, all the things, all the projects I'm working on, just receive more data and more learning and more community and more connections over the summer and just to get through the rest of the year slightly recalibrate.

Shelby:

I love it. I love the concept of the clarity lab. I love the way in which you're approaching it to bring people together and to help people help each other. So I feel like we're in this weird space where sometimes it feels like the Hunger Games, where everyone is just like, oh, I got to get in, I got to do my thing, it's all about me, I'm going to work in my silo, I'm going to be over here doing my thing, you get yours. And I know that that is not necessarily in the DNA of most people who live in the United States, but you and I have talked about this a lot. I just feel drawn to do something different. What you're saying and in terms of just bringing people together and to kind of I don't know approach life approach problem sets in in a different, in a different way. I just think you're you're onto something and I look forward to hearing about.

Shelby:

First of all, I want to sign up Like if I could afford it if I weren't in the middle of my own transition. First of all, I want to sign up Like if I could afford it if I weren't in the middle of my own transition. I'd be like okay sign me up for the Clarity Lab, but I think it's going to be great.

Belinda:

I don't understand why kindness feels radical right now. Yeah, me either. I just am like shocked. I just walk into spaces, things happen and I'm like what is the right thing to do? The moral, ethical, maybe even legal thing, the plan B for everybody? Yeah, but me, like I'm confused, right, right, why is to the extent that sometimes kindness is happening around me, it feels performative, yeah, or community, I should say, is happening around me, it feels performative. And that is jarring too. People are like I am part of the community, but oh wait, did it get difficult? I am actually busy, right.

Shelby:

Where are you when things get hard, busy, right? Where are you when things get hard? Where are you when, like you know, push from the shove and yeah, people need you.

Belinda:

It is a whole episode about like we do. You know how many leadership things I have been in where they have said write down your values and you're like whatever.

Shelby:

When I wrote down my values, I meant it right, I actually try and live, live them out on a daily basis.

Belinda:

Yeah, and when things get hard right, I'm like I'm thinking back to literally like middle school, where my volleyball teacher, mrs chambers mrs chambers, if you're listening shout out thank you, mrs chambers. My volleyball teacher, mrs Chambers Mrs Chambers, if you're listening, shout out Thank you, mrs Chambers. My volleyball coach would say what you do in practice, you do in the game, which you hear me say sometimes. But also she would always ask us you should be thinking ahead to what would I do if the ball comes to me. When the ball comes to me, what am I going to do Right now? That is what, how I approach life. Yeah, and so it's like I feel like the ball came. I'm sorry I get emotional about performative community. I just really I'm going to wrap it up. Just the ball has come. I pulled out my value statement and I'm like cool, yeah, it's game day let's go right, right, right, I don't feel like I almost made a video.

Belinda:

I still might do this. I almost made a video and put it on social media, just to ask people to, to DM me and tell me what are you doing to help people? What are you doing? Yeah, to make the world. Yeah, because I just yeah Everybody's secretly writing checks and not talking about like I won't judge what you're doing, I'm just curious yeah, because it feels like.

Belinda:

It feels like we need community and I don't feel like. So I'm like okay, well, I'm going to start one, I'm going to do these things over here to be kind yeah, what's that saying?

Shelby:

be the change you want to see boom, model what you want.

Belinda:

It's like literally a look leadership values. Going back to this, I like to model what I would like to see look at us living our values.

Shelby:

Living our values, living our values. Yes, I mean and I've had to, you know, have those conversations with myself, especially in the past few weeks Like, okay, this is what you said. Even in listening to some of our previous you know Leadership Tea episodes, I've had to remind myself of the advice that we've been giving to other people and having to take a dose of my own medicine. It's been a humbling experience, that's to say the least. You're doing an amazing job, Thank you. Likewise.

Belinda:

I feel like this wraps it up. This is what we're doing, team, we are navigating Likewise. Okay, well, I feel like this wraps it up. This is what we're doing, team, what we're doing we are navigating just like y'all are.

Shelby:

Yeah.

Belinda:

You know and we are really sitting back like the world moves fast. So we have a plan for the season, but we adjust it, you know, as we feel like our audience needs change, but we are focused this season on respecting that. You can come to a leadership space with a plan. The world can throw you a curveball and it can be tough and it can be hard and it can be isolating. And it can be tough and it can be hard and it can be isolating and can be lonely, but there are tools to manage it and you aren't the first person to face this and we want to show you examples of of um that many leaders go through this and and let's get their best answers on how they navigated it.

Shelby:

Yeah, and let's overcome it to together together, right?

Belinda:

So check out the show notes for info on everything we discussed, and we look forward to seeing you in our next episode.

Shelby:

Yeah, thank you for joining, thanks for watching, thanks for listening.

People on this episode

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Belinda Jackson Farrier

Co-host
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Shelby Smith-Wilson

Co-host