Leadership Tea
On Leadership Tea, we talk about what it takes to reach the executive level, and how to thrive when you get there. Powerful leaders share their journeys, insights, and triumphs in conversations with hosts Shelby Smith-Wilson and Belinda Jackson Farrier.
Join us every other Wednesday to be inspired by the unvarnished stories of amazing executives who know what it's like to be "the only" at the table and who have succeeded regardless. They have proven leadership experience in their respective fields, from international affairs to the private sector to academia, and want to help others create their own success stories.
Leadership Tea
Part VI: Shutdown, But Not Shut Out - There is Growth in Discomfort | S4 EP12
Finding Growth in Discomfort: Strategies for Transition and Coping
In this episode of the Leadership Tea Podcast, hosts discuss the challenges and growth opportunities during a shutdown. Shelby shares her experiences transitioning out of government work, dealing with introversion through networking, and finding new ways to communicate and cope during uncomfortable times. Belinda talks about the importance of focus for entrepreneurs, challenges in self-promotion, and breaking down larger goals to avoid feeling overwhelmed. They both highlight the importance of family communication and maintaining relationships during financial strains. The episode emphasizes finding hope and possibilities even in challenging circumstances, offering practical advice and personal anecdotes.
00:00 Introduction to the Leadership Tea Podcast
00:16 Embracing Discomfort for Growth
00:56 Shelby's Networking Strategies
03:32 Belinda's Entrepreneurial Focus
05:49 The Challenge of Self-Promotion
10:52 Communicating Through Crisis
18:24 Finding Hope and Possibilities
19:56 Conclusion and Community Support
JOIN THE LEADERSHIP LOUNGE
If you're a leader who wants more than surface-level advice, join Shelby & Belinda for exclusive content, practical tools, and a supportive community that fuels your growth. Learn more at https://www.stirringsuccess.com/leadershiplounge
Find more information about the Leadership Lounge here.
For leaders who want more than surface-level advice.
What do you get?
- A virtual monthly group coaching session led by the Leadership Tea Podcast hosts.
- A monthly Community Connection virtual meet-up.
- Leadership resources and articles.
We publish new episodes every other Wednesday.
Follow us on Instagram @Leadership_Tea for more inspiration and insights.
All right, welcome everyone to the Leadership Tea Podcast, where we talk about what it takes to reach the executive level and then what it takes to thrive once you get there. Today we are in the midst of yet another shutdown episode, shutdown but not shut out. And we're going to talk about the topic of or the idea that there is growth in discomfort. I think for many of us who are living or impacted by the shutdown in some way, we're definitely feeling the discomfort. And so we're trying to find those learning points or the things that we can use to help us think about to be more future-focused and future-oriented as we look at this crisis. So with that, maybe Shelby, you want to kick us off with uh some of your thoughts on this?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, sure. Um, so it's not a secret. I've discussed in previous episodes that I'm in the process of transitioning from government. Um, not only am I furloughed at the moment, like many of you, um, but I was laid off a few months ago and I will be retiring. This is the eve of my retirement date. And as I'm thinking about this transition and how uncomfortable it's been uh to be in this position and how I'm growing, one of the things that I'm doing is forcing myself to network. I've mentioned before that I'm an introvert. I don't really like going to receptions and large gatherings and parties. I don't know how I made it as a diplomat, frankly, because that was a key responsibility as you know, a political analyst or someone who's focused on the politics of a foreign country. One of our main responsibilities is to use receptions and official events uh in order to make or build relationships with foreign contacts. And so one of the tricks that I would use in doing that, because I was so uncomfortable in going to receptions, I had a rule of three. Find three people at a reception to exchange business cards with, or, you know, is there someone who's going to be at a reception, you know, like a minister who I've been trying to get in touch with? You know, is that going to be a target of opportunity to speak to that individual about a policy issue that is important to the US government? Or, you know, do we have a visit coming up? Is there a member of Congress that's going to be coming? You know, is there someone else that I need to talk to in order to get flight clearances or some sort of logistical thing? And so I have been pleasantly surprised at how I've been able to utilize some of those diplomatic skills and know-how to this uncomfortable moment in terms of networking and going to events and using my rule of three where I manage my own anxiety and I don't feel so uncomfortable or overwhelmed in going to some of these events and putting myself out there. I just say, okay, I will make a goal of giving out three of my business cards, and that will help me, you know, manage my own discomfort. So that's just one example. What's an example from you, Belinda, and how you're managing your discomfort?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, no, thank you. Um, you know, I've spent so much of my career working interfunctionally, like working across organizations to get things done. And when you do that, you begin to feel like, you know, if you give me enough time, I I can do anything, right? I can work in any function. Um but being an entrepreneur means really staying focused and specializing, really staying in a lane. Like there are there are elements that you can branch off on, but really generally speaking, you need to become expert in a lane. Um, and so uh for me uh some of the discomfort of you know this period of growth and change that I'm experiencing has been in uh staying focused on what I am really trying to build. Staying focused on the core skills that I really want to showcase. Like I have a lot of skills, I have a whole toolkit, but I want to focus on just these few tools. It doesn't diminish the rest of the toolkit. And I may get to use it later, but I'm gonna focus here. So it's that focus and that drive and that tuning out the noise that has been uncomfortable. But when I notice that discomfort, I remind myself to get focused. And that has been really helpful. But it's been but it's been a challenge.
SPEAKER_01:I think is one of the reasons why we make a good um duo. We have a great partnership because I like to think of you as the big picture thinker, the the big idea person. And you know, every once in a while I have to, you know, pull you in a little bit. Yeah, yeah. Cause I'm like, let's go, we put off. Right. Oh, right. It's all good though. It's all good. I think um, you know, there are benefits to that, of course. As an entrepreneur, you don't want to pigeonhole yourself. You want to be expansive and really think about the broad universe of possibilities that exist for you as you're launching your business. But yes, it is good to have some focus. Um, I think that's a good segue to my second point. Um, as I'm making this pivot with you uh as an entrepreneur, one of the other uncomfortable things for me is talking about myself. You and I have have discussed that, um, especially when it comes to the coaching aspect of what we do. It's hard because you don't want to come across as a gimmick. You don't want to come across as a salesperson, like, let me sell you this thing, let me, you know, see if I can change your life. And I'm gonna, you know, do this, I'm gonna do that. And as a result of working with me, you're gonna be this wonderful human being at the end of our experience working together. And while that might actually be what, you know, what the goal is of a lot of the coaching um programs that we're trying to construct and how we see ourselves really, you know, helping people make these transformations, it can feel it can feel fake. Like you don't want to come across as uh some sort of like disingenuous car salesman. And so finding that balance of how do you put yourself out there, how do you speak confidently about what you bring to the table, why your services are valuable, why your story matters, all of that has been a growth experiment for me because I think in diplomacy, we are so accustomed to not selling ourselves. We're usually advocating for the U.S. government. It's not about Belinda, it's not about Shelby, it's about these are the interests of the United States government. I am representing the United States people, the people of the United States. And so it can be really difficult to make that shift where you're like, I am Shelby and I'm great. And this is why you should hire me, or this is why you should contract my services, et cetera. This is my story, this is why it's compelling. Um, that is very uncomfortable. And so I have been journaling. I participated in a writing course recently to really work on how do I tell my story? How do I make myself sound compelling in a way that I'm comfortable with, where I don't feel like, you know, I'm selling a gimmick, but I am being authentic and really explaining the value that I do bring when it comes to coaching, when it comes to, you know, the leadership retreats, all the other projects that we're working on in tandem. Um, but that has been, that, that has been a stretch because, you know, again, we're just not, we're not trained, we're not accustomed to to speaking about ourselves in that way. Um, but if we're gonna make it as entrepreneurs, you know, this is something that we're gonna have to learn how to do uh fast and and quickly.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, I know. Storytelling is is so important right now in so many ways as a founder. And um when you pair that with the networking that you're doing as well, like that it feels uncomfortable now, but when you get those two things down, it's just gonna be unstoppable. So, you know, like I'm I'm excited for that. So I would offer that as I reflect on my next kind of thing that makes me uncomfortable is is that I, you know, we've we've already talked about it a bit, this idea of being creative and having ideas and being in a space where I can do anything for the first time in my adult life. I'm not constrained by, you know, rules and hierarchy and things like that. Um, and so that can feel overwhelming at times. And so really thinking about things in terms of breaking them down to small, smaller goals that are more tangible. And I talk a lot about this with many of my clients as well. But just thinking about the small steps that will ultimately get us to our bigger goal so that we don't feel overwhelmed. Um, that is something that I've been working on, you know, in my own life. Even as I think about the day-to-day of this shutdown, which can feel overwhelming, especially because it doesn't have an end date. Um and so just thinking about how am I going to tackle today? How am I gonna tackle this week? You know, um, what are my goals for this month? Controlling what I can control.
SPEAKER_01:Controlling what you can control. Yes. I think um one of the initial challenges for me in being laid off was I was used to a controlled environment where even things, even basic things like what's on my schedule today? Like I had a staff, someone did that for me. And now it's like, okay, I'm out here in the hinterland trying to figure things out for myself. Like, okay, what am I doing today? What's on my calendar? Did I overbook? Did I double book? Like, how do you how do you manage in this in this new space? So yeah, all of that um rings true for me as well. I think my my last um bit of advice or last kind of lesson that I'm reflecting on as we're growing in this uncomfortable uh environment and and moment in time is how to communicate with my husband and with my kids. First of all, shout out to my husband. He has been like the rock of Gibraltar. Like he has really come through for me. I know I have not been an easy person to live with lately between the paramenopause and the emotional ups and downs of, you know, ending my career and figuring out my next thing. He's been like my biggest cheerleader. Um, but I bring up marriage and partnership because, you know, when you're facing financial strain and, you know, the fact that many of us are going through this shutdown or people have been laid off. There, you know, there's just a lot of ripples in our economic system right now, no matter uh what industry you work in, that can test your relationships at home. And it forces you to have some uncomfortable conversations. Like, how do you decide, okay, how much we, how much are we really need, how much do we really need to spend on on groceries? You know, do we need the herb going out? Do we need to, I think I mentioned in a previous episode, like, where are the happy hours? Like if we need that release, because you don't want to be cooped up in your house completely, you know, you want to have, you know, an outlet sometimes or, you know, have some fun, like where can we go and not break the bank and still do it in a way that's affordable and responsible? Um, and again, just the emotional ups and downs of living through such an uncertain moment, you know, can bring out the worst in you. And if you can't be honest and vulnerable with your partner and just say, you know what, I'm just not, I'm not in a good headspace today. And I've had to say that um to my husband, and he's had to say that to me sometimes too. And we, you know, we go to separate parts of our home and then we come back together when we need to. But I think it is the unexpected blessing in all of this is that our communication has has been strengthened because we have recognized the fact that we need to not, you know, isolate ourselves and and shut each other off. Like now's a time that we need to be communicating more than ever. And even when it comes to communicating with kids, like that's something else. That's a that's another uncomfortable aspect of the shutdown and everything that we're experiencing, you know, financially as a country, as a community. Like, how do you talk to your kids in a way that's age appropriate? Um, but I would say again, it's not, this is not the time to just act like, okay, nothing to see here, especially if your kids are teenagers. And, you know, they can put two and two together, even if they're not watching the news, you know, they're they're getting their anecdotes somewhere, TikTok, wherever, talking to people, like they're not, they're not stupid. And so how do you communicate in a way that makes sense um to them? So that that has been um another growth opportunity, let's just say. But I'm thankful that um it's it's been a positive one.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, no, definitely. I think that the shutdown has forced people to have very open and honest conversations, very vulnerable conversations with people that they wouldn't normally have had those conversations with. I was just this weekend, just kind of out, you know, with the dog, walking the dog, and one of my neighbors came up to me and handed me a like a coupon for um a restaurant that they own, and which is like nearby, but certainly in an area that there are many, many federal workers who would be their typical customer. And so, you know, this neighbor was like, nobody's coming by the restaurant. Can you please come by? Can you please come by? Um, we haven't had much business. Um, and it's a restaurant that we actually like and have been to in the past, right? But just normally that is not the way in which right the neighbor would have communicated to me about it, or another neighbor saw me on the same walk and was telling me just all the challenges that they're facing in their household because of the shutdown. And again, these aren't the usual kinds of conversations we'd have, right? But um that is the space that we're all in, but they are the conversations that we need to have and to know how to support each other. So I I I completely understand what you're saying. Well, for me, um maybe the last thing that I've been working on is because so much of my career was spent in crisis management, right? Or crisis communications, that I tend to see a scenario and just immediately say, like, well, uh, we just need to plan for the negative. There's 50 ways this could go wrong. Let's start planning for the 50. Um, that's just when you're already in a tough spot, that isn't really a healthy way in which to be operating, right? Um I was actually just talking to my father today about something, and I was like, Okay, well, I've got to do this thing. There's all these ways it could go wrong. I need to plan all these contingencies. And he was like, but like why? Because it's like 2025, and like are you paying attention? Like fall on the bar. Like there's lots of well, but also like there's lots of options. Like it was like, I've got to be on the internet at this time. And he's like, Okay, it's like 2025. Like, if the internet's not here, then it's over there. Like, right, like chill. We we can eventually and I'm like, what if it's out? What if there's an outage? What if there's okay? Well, if there's an outage, like then I don't know, we'll figure it out. Okay, like so um it was just a reminder that my training, my experience is so much in living in the negative. And when you are a founder who needs to remain visionary, who needs to remain hopeful, who um need to see possibilities, um I just have to learn a better job of of uh asking the what ifs and seeing the possibles um while still managing risk in ways that are healthy.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:So that's that's that's something that I am a discomfort that I'm starting to grow in and and be better at.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. Yeah, I hear you. Like when you're so accustomed to contingency planning and and planning for the worst, so that you're not surprised and you're at least prepared to deal with, you know, the range of outcomes, you know, where things can go terribly wrong. There's there's definitely value in that. But, you know, one of the things we've been talking about is this newfound freedom that we are both experiencing as a result of becoming founders and stepping into this next phase of our lives. You know, it really is, I recognize, especially as so many of our fellow government workers are are going through so much, you know, I do recognize the privilege that I have of being able to retire and walk away with something. Um, and I would just call on people to, you know, really look for what are the possibilities and the opportunities that exist, you know, despite the darkness and the just the terrible, just downright awful conditions that people are having to live through, you know, where can you find hope? Where can you find possibility in the midst of your despair? Um and I I would just call on everyone to to find ways to to grow and stretch ourselves um despite the discomfort. And again, we really hope that we don't have to you know keep doing these episodes, although we we do have an idea in mind. Um, once the shutdown ends, and it will, and it will um, we do have an idea in mind to to continue these Sunday dialogues because based on the feedback we're getting from you, it seems to be helpful. Thank you again for joining us for this special shutdown but not shut out series. If you are listening to us on Apple or Spotify, you really need to come on over to YouTube. This is where the action is. We really appreciate our viewers on YouTube. Please leave us a comment. If you're not a subscriber already, please subscribe. And again, we just want to wish peace and stability to to all of you who are out there. We're all going through something right now. Um, and we just again call on you to to be in community with each other. And we look forward to sipping wisdom and stirring success with you again real soon.
