Change the Tape: How Leaders Break Out of Stuck Patterns

When you feel stuck, doing more isn’t the answer. Clarity is.

In this episode, we sit down with Bobby Staten III (Chief of Clarity) to unpack what’s really happening when leaders feel overwhelmed, stuck, or out of alignment, and how to move forward with intention.

From “changing the tape” to redefining identity, this conversation goes beyond surface-level productivity advice and gets to the core of how leaders actually grow.

This episode is a powerful reminder that growth doesn’t start with doing more. Rather, it starts with seeing clearly and choosing differently.

If you’re navigating a transition, building something new, or stepping into leadership for the first time, this conversation will meet you exactly where you are.

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Connect with Bobby Staten III: 

https://bit.ly/BTSwaitlist - Built To Scale (my accelerator) waitlist https://www.linkedin.com/in/bstaten 
@chiefofclarity on all social platforms

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Welcome to the Leadership Tea Podcast, where we have honest conversations that help executives slow down, reconnect with their purpose, and strengthen the leader within. My name is Shelby, and I am joined by my co-host, Belinda. And today we are thrilled to welcome a very special guest, Bobby Staten III. Bobby is a business and transformation coach and a speaker. We had the good fortune of meeting Bobby during an online workshop for small business owners and entrepreneurs, and Bobby had a spark that hit us instantaneously. We knew that he was someone that we wanted to get to know better, and we convinced him to come on to the show. Bobby shares some really unique insights about what it means to lead with authenticity, what you need to do to develop daily audits and to have the right systems in place to be as productive as possible, and what it means to come out of your personal Egypt. That's right, your personal Egypt. So grab a notepad, listen up. I know you're going to get a lot out of this episode. Let's get into it.

SPEAKER_02 1:13

Bobby, we've talked a little bit already about how Shelby and I have shifted from we weren't feeling extremely stuck, but feeling kind of a neutral as we ended 2025 and moving to a space of momentum in 2026. And so I'm kind of curious, in your practice, what are two to three practical steps that you give your clients on how they should handle things when they feel stuck or overwhelmed?

SPEAKER_03 1:44

I think the first thing I typically tell clients when they're feeling stuck is to one stop, right? Like you've got to slow down enough to be able to do the next thing, which is to take inventory, right? So first two things you gotta do, you gotta stop what you're doing. Because obviously what you're doing is not working, or it's not moving the ball in the direction that you envisioned it doing. So slow down long enough to see the field, and then from there take inventory of what's going on. The metaphor I like to think about is driving versus walking, right? When we're driving to our respective homes, we pass, we typically take the same route, pass the same things day in and day out. But if you were to hop out of your car and walk that same route, you will see things that have always been there that you just pass because of the speed that you're accustomed to traveling. And so I think stopping indoor slowing down is super helpful to be able to take inventory and really assess what's going on and really baseline your current state. From there, the next thing I would typically advise them to do is now that we have a baseline of like where we are, what's happening, what our barriers are, whatever the case may be, is then instructing them to really think about okay, what does that desired future state look like? And map it all the way out, right? Like don't cheat yourself, don't be shy, don't be coy. Really think about like what is it that I actually desire, whether it be personally, whether it be professionally, whatever the case may be. And then the other piece of that is not just a list of things or a list of attributes, but it's also the piece that a lot of times we overlook is who is the person who is existing in that desired future state identity. More often than not, what we find is that the identity that we're at existing and that we've adopted today does not align with the identity that will serve and sustain tomorrow. So how can we understand who that person is and then align our habits, our preferences? And there's the things that make us take to identify, or excuse me, align with the identity of that desired future state and what will happen as you already witness it. When that internal shift happens, your behaviors start to change, right? It informs a different set of actions. You're doing what I like to call changing the tape. For those who may be listening who are, you know, old enough to remember a good cassette tape. If you had the right player, that thing would just play from side to side, right? But when you took that tape out, now you were listening to a completely different body of work. More often than not, the trap that a lot of us get into is we never change the tape. We get so comfortable with the sound and the song that we're hearing. And we know that there's a desire, right, for something different. We know that there's another place that we want to be, but our focus is on playing the same song. Let me just stay where I'm at. This is where I'm comfortable, this is where things are cool. I don't have to think about it. But that comfort is keeping you from the destination. And so we've got to change the tape and really start doing something different. And a lot of that starts with one identity, which then follows with habits, behavior, so on and so forth.

SPEAKER_00 5:07

We gotta change the tape. I feel like that's a sermon title.

SPEAKER_03 5:14

We gotta change the tape. And it's easy, right? I'm a victim of it. Like I told y'all before we started recording, I'm coming out of my Egypt era, right? And I didn't even realize I was in Egypt. I'm like, wait, what's going on here? Because the reality is for me, there were so many different things going on, not just in my personal life, but just in the world that we existed in, that my perspective, my vantage point went from here to here. And it was like, how can I make sure that I keep this box clean, pure, and I'm able to make it from one day to the next, right? And I lost sight of the things that and the opportunities that were right there in my periphery. And so now being out of that, it's like, holy smokes, like what has been going on? Like I missed a lot. And a lot of times we don't realize that because we're playing the same tape over and over again, right? We're in this cognitive loop that just says, hey, you wake up, do this, go here, do these things, come back, right? We're our brain is naturally wired for comfort, it's naturally wired for survival. The hack is putting yourself, pushing yourself into situations that cause you to develop new neural pathways that then inform new habits and behaviors. And when you're playing the same tape over and over again, you're gonna miss that. That's just the reality of it. So sometimes reality changes the tape for us, or if you're lucky, you get the opportunity to change the tape and make a choice, right? Make a decision to say, hey, I need to do something different. I need to break this cognitive block and put myself in a situation that's going to allow me to function and show up differently. And that's a very difficult thing to do when you don't have like that level of awareness. I'm going real like brain work, but that's just the reality.

Redefining Success With Self-Knowledge

SPEAKER_00 7:09

That's all good. I think the metaphor of coming out of Egypt or coming out of your own personal Egypt is a powerful one that I know Belinda and I can attest to in our own personal journeys. And I think because we're so accustomed to having a lot of external stimuli try to define for us what we should do or how we should do things and what success looks like for us, we get trapped and we never change the tape, as you said. And so I'm wondering with all of that in mind, how do you coach leaders to redefine success in a way that is authentic to them?

Daily Audits And System Building

SPEAKER_03 7:55

So I'll speak to that theoretically and then I'll speak to it tactically. So theoretically, the first thing that I do with any coaching client is we're first going to baseline like who are you? Right? Not who the world says you should be, not what your job title told you you had to show up ass 40 hours a week. Who is Shelby? Who is Belinda? What do you like to do? What are your natural preferences? What are your innate abilities? And once we have a good, strong understanding of that, then we start looking at, okay, cool, based on who we know ourselves to be, same thing, right? How do we map that to a desired future state? What are the habits that are going to help us to go from A to B? Now, tactically, what that means for me is the tool that I like to use and that I'm certified in is Myers Briggs. There's several other personality-based tools or different assessments that you can take. Strengths Finders is a great one. There's also the uh disc profile, that's another really good one. But in some of it, it doesn't have to be as you know formal as an assessment. It may just be answering some questions and reflecting for yourself on hey, who is the person that I actually know myself to be without any external influence? Because what I've found is that the closer that we get to the core of that and who that individual is, and accepting that and owning that and standing on that, that then informs everything that follows, right? So in terms of habits, now what we're talking about is one of the great things, it's a very simple tool that somebody actually did with me when I was for one of my previous coaches, and it was doing a daily audit. Literally, write down what you do from the time you wake up to the time you go to bed, right? We've all got the same 24 hours. This planet that we live on is rotating on the same axis around the same sun. Everybody's at the same 24 hours. And so what you want to do is understand one, what are the things that you're doing day in and day out? First and foremost, let's just list them. And the next thing is twofold. You want to go into that list and identify which of these habits, things that I do day in and day out, which of them, you're answering a couple of questions. One, which of them aligns with the identity that I'm seeking, right? The desired future state that I'm seeking. Two, or which one is going to give me there, which of these do I necessarily do, which one do I have to do versus something that somebody else could or should be doing? And those are really the big two, right? It's does it align and should I be doing it? Because what we oftentimes find is that a lot of our time is spent doing someone else's work. And that's a very hard pill to swallow, right? The other thing that we find out is that a lot of the things, the cognitive loops that we're like literally unconsciously just repeating day in and day out, don't serve the goals and the objectives that we've set for ourselves. I can't say I want to lose 150 pounds, but I'm eating big fat poese every day. You know what I mean? Like that's not gonna work. And I'm saying I love hoagies. The Nikki, the Jersey Mike's number 10, all day, every day. But we have to align our habits in a way, again, that serve where we're trying to go. And then sometimes when we don't, when we until it's not until we write it out, there's something magical that happens when we write those things down. Now it's like it almost makes it real. Not that your existence and how you're moving and flowing isn't real, but there's something about seeing it on paper that's very grounded and sobering, like, oh, so like this week I've done this thing three, four, five times, and it's equated to 10 hours of effort or 10 hours of execution. How could those 10 hours have been repurposed to serve the person in the state that I'm seeking versus the one that I'm currently studying? So, yeah, that's theoretically, tactically how I would approach that. And, you know, more often than not, what I found is that as a result of that assessment, now it's like, okay, cool, we've identified the gap. Now let's talk about not how we do things differently, what systems do we need to enforce the behaviors? I'm a systems dude. Like, you can talk to me all day, every day about what you want to do, but if you don't have the systems in place to enforce that behavior, it's not gonna stick. At some point in time, you are going to naturally gravitate back to your place of comfort. And what we know about the body gives us a great example of muscle development. Muscles don't grow if not for the process. And I'm probably gonna butcher this word, hypertrophy. I don't know, it's spelled hypertrophy. All of you spelling bee champs, y'all jump in the comments and fix it. But that process is how muscle, literally, the sinews of your muscle are torn, and then they rebuild, they're torn as a result of the resistance that you're putting on those muscles. And so those little micro tears create the environment by which growth can happen. The same thing is true in our lives, right? If we are not breaking right the cognitive loops, if we are not breaking the patterns, if we are not tearing the mental muscle that informs how we show up every day, we're just gonna fall right back to what feels comfortable, right? I don't want to push 325 pounds around if I don't have to, I'd rather be on the couch. But if I want the muscle growth, I gotta get in that gym. And the same thing is true for our lives.

SPEAKER_02 13:57

I feel like what I really hear there is that in order for us to move forward, there's a certain level of self-reflection and even humility that we need to have in order to not only see these changes, but be willing to make them.

SPEAKER_03 14:11

Right.

SPEAKER_02 14:12

And I feel like what you've just said ties really well with your earlier discussion of identity and that cognitive loop. You know, we just have to be able to constantly look at ourselves. And that question of identity is really hard.

SPEAKER_01 14:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 14:24

It's really scary for people. I see that my own clients. And, you know, I know even for myself, and you know, earlier in my career, in my first career really, that was a career I entered very young, a commitment when I was still in college to that particular career track. And so when I left it, it was all I known and identified as that. I didn't even know how to use other words to describe myself. I had just spent 20 plus years becoming a really good employee. Right. And spending time, you call it Egypt. I've been calling it the wilderness.

SPEAKER_03 15:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 15:09

So yeah, I think to get out of the wilderness, you've got to do what you said there. You've got to ask yourself, how are those old habits serving me?

unknown 15:17

Right.

SPEAKER_02 15:18

I'm literally thinking about like camping, right? Like I like, I like a good, you know, luxury hotel, but maybe I need to learn how to build a tent, you know. Maybe I need to learn how to start a fire, not just like call down a room service.

SPEAKER_00 15:34

I'm not there yet. Oh 100. It's super fun at the beach.

Manager Versus Leader

SPEAKER_02 15:41

Yes, no, I get that. I get what you're saying, and I see it in my own clients as well. I'm curious as you engage with people, especially when you first start working with them across industries. What are some of the typical challenges that you see leaders having?

SPEAKER_03 15:56

One of the primary challenges that I find with, I mean, this goes literally in any industry. You have people who are really great managers and that are not great leaders, right? And I think understanding the difference between those terms are typically used, especially in a corporate environment, interchangeably. And they shouldn't. A manager is someone who can make sure that the pieces of the puzzle are in place, right? Like, hey, here's where we want to go, here's what it's gonna take to get there, and I'm gonna make sure, and I have oversight of this particular function. I'm gonna make sure that the people and the processes are in place to get us from A to B. That is a that's a great manager, somebody who can help sustain status quo, right? A leader can do those things too, but a leader, the difference, at least from my vantage point, is you have a heart and a nap for influencing people. And I don't mean influencing in like a sorted kind of way, right? Where you're trying to get them to do something that they don't want to. That's not what I'm talking about. It's truly about having vision and being able to galvanize people around that vision and inspire them to pursue it alongside you, right? Really more of a join me as I journey kind of vibe, right? And that's the difference. So there are a lot of people who are really, really great technicians, right? Especially like for my creative folks. I work with a lot of marketing agencies, love them to death. But more often than not, the marketing agencies were founded by people who were really good at a specific skill, right? They're really good videographers, they're really good designers, they're really, I'm not saying good, really gifted, like creative creatives. And the gift has made room, right? Now they've got clients, they're making money, they're hiring teams and people to help them fulfill the scope of work that is coming their way. But they're still at their heart, they're still just a really, really great designer. And the art of leading people is just not something that they have invested in yet. And in some cases, they don't even have the desire to. They just really want to continue to be great creatives and they need more people to help them do the work that's coming their way. And so that's the challenge, right? It's truly the desire and the internal framework for being an actual leader. Because what I find when we get in the coaching engagement, that comes out like, I don't want to do this, or why do I have to say this, or why do I have to talk this often to these people about these topics? I mean, these are people who don't even want to get like these kinds of conversations where you're interfacing with people and exchanging dialogue, crippling. And it's like, well, how are you leading? You got folks on your payroll that's dependent on you and you're not leading them? Like, how do you do that? So, like, it's true, you gotta have a desire. If you're gonna show up for people day in and day out, you have to have a heart and a desire to serve people. And that is the biggest challenge that I've seen. The heart and the desire. And then even if they have the heart and the desire, if they've never done it or they've never gotten perspective on what healthy leadership looks like with all the greatest of intent, it's just not aligning with the impact. And so they need someone to help them to come in and develop some of those leadership skills, develop some of those leadership systems that not only help that owner or that founder or that creative director to be a better leader, but also to really embed leadership practices, best practices and tactics into the organization. And like I said before, that has to come through systems.

SPEAKER_02 19:51

Yeah, I just have a follow-up to that. Maybe a follow-up with let's think of it as a coin with two sides. Okay. On one side of the coin, I'm really struck by um this idea of people who find themselves leading, but this isn't what they asked for. And I think I've experienced that uh in the workplace, I've been that person being led by the person who doesn't want to lead. What drives that person to come seek your help? What makes them say, like, I don't want to be here, but something's got to change and it's me? So I'm curious what drives that. On the flip side of that, what would you say to the person who really wants to lead? Maybe they've just been given an opportunity, but they don't have any experience and they're nervous about it.

Why Leaders Seek Coaching Help

SPEAKER_03 20:36

What would be your tip to the I want to come back to that second question. Let me address your first one. What happens more often than not is the engagement typically starts with, I want to make more money, or I want to be more profitable, or people keep leaving, right? So there's all these other, you know, things that are happening that are actually symptoms of a root cause, which is poor leadership. And it isn't until you are sitting in front of a mirror that you can see that. Because more often than not, that person is just, again, they're running the tape. Well, I gotta make sure payroll happens on the 15th and the end of the month. You know, we got to make sure we get these RFP responses out. They're just, they're doing what it takes to make sure that the business's doors can stay open. And they are experiencing and feeling the pain, but they have not connected it to how they are showing up as leaders. I've worked with clients that have no mission and vision statement at all, haven't even thought about it. You've been in business for years. And a lot of people might be listening to this and say, well, nobody cares about the mission and vision. Fine. There are some businesses that don't matter. If you are manufacturing widgets, you may not be making widgets to change the world. Fine. But I think that there is some value to being able to provide a perspective, anybody who's coming. Your door needs to understand why you're there and what you're doing. Period. Why am I coming here every day? What greater purpose is it tied to? And then what is it that we're doing as an organization so that I better understand what my individual role is in that? How does my success contribute to this mission? And how does this mission serve the broader purpose of the where and what impact this particular entity will have? Those are the types of organizations that I am creating in the marketplace. And I found that there are so many people who haven't even thought about that because they're just focused on a dollar, which is great. I get it. That's why we're all in business. When you think about the leadership piece of it, some of the pain that they find is that they have people in seats and they don't know why they're there. So they're not even committed. They're not showing up as their best self. They don't know why they're being asked to do what they're doing. And so that impacts their performance. And so the loss of revenue that you're experiencing, the diminished profitability that you're experiencing, the high turnover, especially that you're experiencing, might be connected to the fact that you've never explained to them or expressed to them or even oriented them to why they're there and what you all are there to do. Because there's something different that happens when you create an emotional connection to how you spend your time. You're going to be a whole lot more invested. And so that's my answer to the first question. Can you give me the second question again?

SPEAKER_02 23:26

What's your advice to that person who wants to take on more leadership and maybe just got their first opportunity, but they don't want to mess it up. They're excited, but they don't know what to do.

SPEAKER_03 23:36

Yeah. I would say, first and foremost, I'm going to always come back to identity. You got to know who you are, right? Because when you stand in front of those people, they're going to smell you out. Ah, you say you're this person, but the way you're showing up is over here, right? So you got to be solid on your identity work. And that's a work in progress that changes, right? But just ensure that you're devoting some time, some effort, some practice, whether it's as small and as simple as journaling, or if you have a coach or therapist to help you work through those kinds of things. But I think, you know, beyond the identity piece, it's truly about showing up authentically and being willing to be vulnerable, right? Hey, I don't have all the answers. I'm trying to figure this out just like you all are, right? Here's my tape. I've been given this opportunity to lead you all, but I'm really reliant upon your input, your perspective, your feedback. A lot of times people conceive leadership to be, I have to have all the answers, and that's just simply not true. Again, leadership is not about being the star, it's about winning the championship. I ain't gotta be Michael Jordan, right? But if I get a ring, we won. You know what I'm saying? Like, so that's what I would say to that individual. Like, give yourself grace, be willing to be vulnerable, and show up authentically. I mean, those three things I think will set a foundation that will accelerate your ability to move from good to great as it pertains to being.

SPEAKER_00 25:09

Moving from good to great. I mean, you said a lot of things that resonated with me. Like you said, it doesn't matter if you're the star of the show. If you win, we win.

SPEAKER_01 25:19

That's right.

SPEAKER_00 25:19

And I think our egos get in the way of appreciating the broader impact that we can have collectively if we just get out of our own way. I'm actually reading a book called A New Earth by, I'm gonna butcher his name, Eckhart. I don't know if he pronounces his last name, Toll or Tole. T-O-L-L-E.

SPEAKER_03 25:41

T-O-L-L-E, yeah, I've seen that name. Uh-huh.

Bobby’s Career Pivot Story

SPEAKER_00 25:44

And he talks about this a lot how powerful the ego is in disrupting everything that we do, especially when it comes to leadership. As you said, you know, some people think that you have to be the smartest person in the room, you have to have all the answers, and that's not what leadership is about at all. And as you mentioned, there is a distinction between managing and leading people. One of our prior guests said something that stuck with me. She said, You manage things, you manage projects, but you lead people. And I think that dovetails with everything that you're saying. And one of the things that Belyn and I talk a lot about when it comes to leadership is you can't lead people and not like them. You know, to your point of you got to communicate with folks, whether they like you or not, whether they agree with what you're saying. Like that's irrelevant. You have to actually like people and want to help them if you're really trying to be a leader. And I think it's fascinating to hear you kind of break down your philosophy on leadership and doing the daily audits and doing the inner work. All of that really resonates with how Blinda and I are attempting to build our own business. And so I'm wondering how did your journey lead you from that into becoming a business and transformation coach?

SPEAKER_03 27:17

Ooh, how much time we got. That is a thank you for that. This is a story that I am really just starting to tell. I'm actually writing a book about it coming soon. I don't know when. But my career started, as you mentioned, as a essentially an IT project manager. I was in the pharma and life sciences industry. And similar to what you mentioned, Belinda, how do you both? When I graduated from college, it was a career that was given to me, right? Like, hey, we're gonna put you in the supply chain organization, and you're gonna be responsible for rolling out this ERP system to our warehousing distribution centers. And at 22, 23, I'm like, I looked at that offer letter, I saw the numbers, I said, I'll do whatever. You can ask me. It wasn't so the identity that I assumed in that season. Sure, I made a decision to accept the job, but it was really more a result of consequence than it was choice, right? It wasn't me being intentional about like, no, based on what I know to be true about myself, based on what I desire, right? And the things that I just naturally, I'm talking about fall out of my bed on my 10 toes and just do. How am I honoring that in my vocation? Right. But anyway, that's where I started. It was great. Did it for 10 years. And one day, at this point, I had been, this was now my third company. I left Pharma and Life Sciences, had done some consulting, and now I was doing a similar type of role, rolling out again software for warehousing and distribution centers. But this time I was in the retail industry. And the company that I was working for got acquired by a big behemoth. I won't call them out by name, but everybody knows it. They came in and acquired the company that I was working for and said, Yeah, that little project you got going on, that's cute, but we don't need that. Go ahead and sit down somewhere. We'll give you six-month seven. And it was in that moment, shout out to the wilderness, that I was like, okay, cool, but now what? Because the survivor in me was like, I gotta go get this bag. Like, I'm on LinkedIn tearing folks' inboxes up. I'm like, hey, let me get, you know, sending my resume, applying for jobs all over the place, right? Just trying to find the next opportunity to make some money. And it wasn't until I would say probably three or four months of searching and digging, I said, you know what? This is a great opportunity to, again, stop and assess, one, not just where I am, but who I actually am. Because for the last 10 years, at that juncture, everything that I had assumed in terms of an identity professionally was being fed to me. It wasn't something that I was intentionally pursuing. So to your point, Belinda, the language that I was using, the jargon, the stuff that I thought mattered was all tied to these different opportunities. It had nothing to do with my own personal wiring, my own personal desires. So that was my first introduction to some of these personality assessments and things like that. And so for me, it gave me a way to unpack myself, right? It was almost like looking in the mirror for the first time. At that juncture, I was in my mid-30s or early 30s, and I'm like, okay, all of these things that I've learned over the last decade were very important to them. But what I'm finding is that it doesn't translate into like real-world, broader experiences, especially not experiences that actually matter to me. And so I'm gonna do something different, right? And so that was the first time that I decided I said, you know what, you may be going through this too. I don't know. But anybody who's listening, typically when you're in a season like this, if you're in therapy or if you're just working through this on your own, whatever the case may be, typically what you end up at is childhood, right? Who was the person that before I knew what a W-2 was, before I knew what a Form 1040 was, before I knew how to spell capitalism, what were the things that I just did? Because to you, I love, I'm gonna use this like at least 10 times between now and Sunday, flow not force. What are the things that I just did naturally that I enjoyed? Because what we find is that I'll call it value, but that presence and the authenticity connected to it, it created an exchange, right? When you showed up as that person, when you did those things, when you exercised your gifts, there was platform that was provided. There was access that was provided. Sometimes there was money that was provided. It may have just been renewed energy to go back and try that thing again. Whatever that form of currency is that you were receiving was directly related to who you naturally were. And so once I had that aha moment, I said, okay, well, shoot, I'm gonna go do this on my own, right? That's what I did. That's what I've been doing for the last 10 years, right? I took my personal experience of transformation and I adapted it to businesses. Developed a framework called the Core Framework, where I'm helping businesses identify who are you at your core. And then let's develop strategy and systems that honor that so that the growth that you sus that you create, you can actually sustain because it's coming from a place of authenticity, so on and so forth. So that's how I got into it. I've always had a passion for business. I was definitely that 10-year-old, 12-year-old who thought he was going to be the next Germain degree. So, like I had all the music business books. I had the keyboard, me and my homeboy used to get together on the weekends to make mixtapes, and music turned out not to be the industry that I chose. But the heart, right, and the interest in serving people through business has always been a passion of mine. And so the opportunity to take, you know, my personal and my professional experiences and then use them to serve a community and an audience that I was passionate about, that wasn't something that I was willing to turn away from. And I've been doing it now for 10 years. So that's how I got here.

Stop Lying To Yourself

SPEAKER_02 33:38

Yeah, thank you. So as we prepare to wrap up, I'm wondering for those listeners who are, they want to lead from a place of authenticity. They want to be bold and they want what they build to be sustainable. What's the piece of advice you would leave them with? What is a principle they should really focus on as they try to build towards those goals?

SPEAKER_03 34:02

I would say anyone who is listening, who is at a place where they are where we're always becoming, but we're being more now, you're being more intentional, right? Around how you're showing up and the who that you're becoming. Stop lying to yourself. And that's hard because our natural, again, it all goes back to what it really comes back to is fear, right? We will tell ourselves a story to keep us from facing the very deep core fear that we have, right? We will create this whole narrative, this whole reality, despite everything that we're seeing, saying plain as day, you need to go that way, you need to go do this. And out of a desire for safety, out of a desire for comfort, out of a desire for stability, we will make decisions that don't serve us. And so authenticity starts when we stop lying to ourselves and honoring that voice, that little subtle voice that's within that says, Hey, we need to turn left. Some people call it instinct, some people call it Holy Spirit, some people call it good. We've all got it. Everybody, believe it or not, is there. Listen to it and be willing to take the uncomfortable step. This is what I talk about in the book, but it's stop chasing dreams and choose destiny. Because it's, you know, dreams, dreams are manufactured and they're limited to our perspective. When I say perspective, I'm talking about things that we've seen and things that we've done. And when you have the belief that there is someone greater who is writing a story that you are just a character in, the dreams kind of become small. Because it's like, I mean, yeah, I would love to have that bends, but if I could do this and align with that, I ain't worried about that bins. Like, for what? Because here's the thing like me chasing that thing is causing more harm than it is good. We've got to be, we've got to get to a place where we feel comfortable and confident and not having control. That's the hack. That's the cheat code. If I can be comfortable with not having the control of everything, and I'm willing to just surrender and say, hey, I'm just a character. And the greatest story of all time, written by the greatest storyteller ever. I'm just gonna show up and do my best. I'm gonna play my role. The rest, and what we know about the greatest storyteller ever and all great stories, is that the hero always wins. So get out of your own way and just play your part. That's what I would say today.

SPEAKER_00 37:12

Yeah. Get out of your own way and play your part.

SPEAKER_03 37:15

That's it. And identity is so important to like that. Your in that sentence is the operative word. Like you have to know what your part is. If you don't know who you are, you can't tell, you don't know what your part is. So we've got to get to like, who are you? Why are you made this way? It's all with purpose. And then developing from that place.

Surrender And Redefine Abundance

SPEAKER_00 37:36

Yeah, your use of the word surrender, that's like the subtext for my word of the year. Belinda and I chose words for the year. Hers is audacity, and mine is abundance. But in order to have abundance, I know that I have to surrender.

SPEAKER_03 37:52

Got to. Because you got to think about it, right? I'll give you, I love using this example. Your definition of abundance is directly tied to your belief, right? Not your belief in like, but I mean like your belief literally the combination of your exposure and your experience. What have I seen? What have I done? I'll talk about me. My abundance right now, today, when I envision what I think about, what that might look like for my personal life, I'm like, I want to live by culture. I want to have a home on the East Coast, and I want to have a home in California. And seasonally, I want to be able to go between Atlanta where I live now and California and do my thing. Because I've been to California, I love California, I love the culture, I love the access it provides, all of that. But I wonder if my definition of abundance would change if I went to Hawaii. I've never been, right? So, and for what I've been told, Hawaii and California, please. And no comparison. Like, if you're talking about like go to Hawaii, dude, what are you doing? Right? But that's because of my limited, my belief again is informed by what I've seen and what I've done. I've never been to Hawaii. So that's why we've got to be ripped to your point. Surrendering is about, I don't even know what abundance really means for me. Let me get out of the way, do my part, and let the rest take care of itself. And it may not necessarily abundance may not mean greater. It might mean richer, more full, more fulfilling, right? We have been conditioned to believe that abundance means that we've got millions of dollars in the account, all of the material assets that we could desire, and that may not be the case. Abundance for you might mean my husband loves me like I've never been loved and bottled before in my life. Right? Like he cherishes me, he adores me, he treats me with respect. I never have to worry about whether I'm safe or not. Like, whatever that abundance can be different for everybody, but it isn't until again we surrender our own dreams and choose destiny and say, God, look, I don't know what you have for me, but I know it's gonna be good. Because you're writing the story. So let me focus on doing my part and get out of my own way.

unknown 40:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 40:28

That's a mic drop.

SPEAKER_03 40:29

I'm talking to myself too now, though. Don't get it twisted.

SPEAKER_00 40:34

Look, I mean, that's when you know that you're fully aligned when you're sharing things that have an impact on other people, but you're also you can also recognize you know what you need to hear for you.

SPEAKER_01 40:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 40:47

That's golden.

SPEAKER_01 40:48

Yeah, for sure. Just trying to do my part.

SPEAKER_00 40:51

Well, Bobby, let's wrap up by just asking you if more people want to benefit from your wisdom and expertise. How do they find you?

SPEAKER_03 41:02

Yeah, you can find me on all channels at Chief of Clarity. And on those profiles, please follow. You know, I post content as life allows. I am, I'll be honest with you, I am not a content junkie. But when I put some out there, it will be good. I can promise you that. But follow me on those channels, and then by the time this episode airs, I'll probably be knee deep in getting ready to launch 2026's first cohort built to scale, which is my coaching program, where we are working with early stage entrepreneurs to help them develop clarity around who they serve, what value means to them, how they serve, and how to sustain a business model that will help them to achieve their greatest desires for the people that they serve and for themselves. So really excited about that. I'll give you guys a link so that you can drop it in the chat comments, what have you folks can join the wait list. And I look forward to seeing you there if that's for you.

SPEAKER_02 41:58

Great. That sounds really exciting. I will definitely include that link in the show notes. And, you know, I just want to thank you again and also thank our listeners and viewers. If you are listening to us on audio, on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts, don't forget to come over to YouTube. You you missed out. We were over here having a great time. Oh, yeah. Come see it. And while you're here, please like and subscribe. We really appreciate that support. And as always, we'd like to say thank you for sipping wisdom and stirring success with us.