When the Career You Loved Ends: Rebuilding After a Layoff

After nearly three decades of public service, Shelby shares her experience navigating a Reduction in Force (RIF), the grief that follows career loss, and the challenge of rebuilding professional identity after an unexpected transition.

In this candid coaching conversation, Belinda and Shelby explore what it means to process professional grief, move forward without bitterness, and build confidence in the face of uncertainty.

They discuss leadership during difficult seasons, the importance of community, and why resilience often begins by remembering the challenges you've already survived.

In this episode:

• Professional grief and career loss
• Leadership during personal transition
• Rebuilding confidence after a layoff
• Identity shifts and reinvention
• Coaching, therapy, and resilience
• Faith, community, and healing
• Moving from reflection to action

If you're navigating a career transition, organizational change, retirement, or an unexpected life pivot, this conversation offers practical wisdom and encouragement for the road ahead.

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Transcript

The Layoff Reality Check

SPEAKER_01 0:00

You read these news reports about 300,000, or I guess it's up to 600,000 black women who have lost their jobs over the past year or so. You just never know what people are carrying. These statistics reflect the lives of real people. I'm one of them.

SPEAKER_00 0:23

Hey everyone, and welcome to the Leadership Tea Podcast where we are sipping wisdom and stirring success. Today we are going to have an episode where we talk about some issues that we are directly dealing with and directly struggling with. We occasionally have these types of episodes because we want to be clear that we don't just talk the talk like we are walking the walk. We are living change. We are struggling with our own leadership challenges and our own work-life balance challenges as well. So the topics we discuss here, whether we have a guest or not, they're real. They're things that you've suggested or we've experienced. And our hope is that you are taking lessons from them that you can apply directly to your life. If this is your first time here and you haven't joined us in the past, we would really appreciate it if you would like and subscribe on our channel so that you will be notified when there are other topics like this. And when we have more information, I think you'll really enjoy what you see on

Defining Success As Healing

SPEAKER_00 1:30

this channel. So today we're gonna focus on what it means when life kind of reassigns you to a space that you didn't expect to be in. I think there are many of us that can identify with that topic and that idea, especially right now where the job market is so dynamic and things are changing quickly for lots of people. Spaces that felt safe before may not feel as safe now. So with that, I think we were going to coach each other maybe a little bit. And I was going to start by asking Shelby a few questions. We're gonna focus on Shelby's experience being like in the kind of conventional colloquial term laid off, and the government terms that's risk, reduction, and force, but for everybody else, that's a layoff. Shelby recently experienced that after a just a storied, amazing career in the federal government. And so we're gonna talk a little bit today about what it means to leave a career that you love, even when you didn't expect to leave it, and what it means then to rethink your next steps and to develop your next chapter. So with that said, Shelby, I'm curious as we dig in on this topic of this riff and how it's impacted you. When you think about what the end of this conversation will look like, what would success look like to you?

SPEAKER_01 3:12

What does success look like? I would say it looks like healing. It looks like not thinking about what happened to me and focusing on the future. And I don't mean for that to sound trite, but it's true. I look forward to the day where I'm not thinking about how did this happen? Like what could have been different, or is there anything that I could have done to prevent the outcome? That's really what success looks like because I when I look back over my career, I know that I gave my all, I know that I did my best, I know that I was focused on being excellent in everything that I did. And so my record demonstrates a true commitment and a level of performance that showed that I was not slacking off and that I was a high performer. So there are no regrets when it comes to that, but I just look forward to not thinking about it and just being fully free. And I know that I'm not fully free yet.

SPEAKER_00 4:28

So I hear you saying that you have spent a lot of time over the last few weeks reflecting backwards on what was and maybe even a little bit of what should have been. But that you're

Grief And Identity After Job Loss

SPEAKER_00 4:45

hoping that you can release yourself from that and not spend so much time rooted in the past. What impact do you think that reflection is having on you right now?

SPEAKER_01 4:58

In some ways, I think it's blocking me from really digging into my next. And I think I have underestimated the professional grief that goes with being laid off in the manner that I was. The grief pops up in unexpected ways. And it's almost like it's almost like watching your own funeral in some twisted way. Because people, some well-meaning colleagues have reached out to to ask, you know, how are you doing? This shouldn't have happened. I'm so sorry that this happened to you. You know, you did a wonderful job serving your country. So there's a lot of affirmation. And at the same time, it's like, oh wow, like this is over, and I need to focus on creating a new identity. But how do I create a new identity when you know my heart strings are still attached to my old identity? And have I allowed myself sufficient time to mourn the ending of one identity before I can truly focus on creating a new one? Because there's this drive within me, within the both of us, to, you know, keep going, keep doing, keep being excellent. And so I'm, you know, caught up in becoming an entrepreneur and shedding this old identity, you know, shall be the diplomat, and exchanging that for shel be the entrepreneur. But in the process of doing that, I have realized in recent weeks that I'm still grieving. I'm still grieving the loss of something that meant something to me. And it's just been difficult to manage that pain. And like I said, it pops up, it springs up at the most unexpected times. And so, yeah, it's just it's been hard. It's been hard. And I think in recent weeks it's been more difficult because the final decision was transmitted not just to me, but to others who were also facing the riff from the State Department. And so it just conjured up a lot of the feelings that I experienced last year. It was like reliving it all over again. And it's been tough.

SPEAKER_00 7:30

Yeah. I want to acknowledge that you mentioned their grief, a lot, mourning, loss, a funeral. And there seemed to be a heaviness as you described that. Could you speak a little more about that? What's underneath there?

SPEAKER_01 7:52

Yeah, there is a heaviness, and I'm coming to terms with it. I think before I didn't fully embrace the fact that I need to grieve. It sucks. But in that process of processing what happened, there's grief. And I credit my coach. You and I talk about having coaches all the time. I have a coach, I also have a therapist, and the two of them have really helped me acknowledge that I need to grieve. And yes, there is a heaviness, but I'm also taking steps to manage that grief. We talk about journaling a lot. I talk about it, but I hadn't been doing it as often as I wanted to. I've picked up my journal and I'm writing more. I also picked up my instrument. I played the flute for many years in middle school, high school, and even in college. Music was something that was very healing for me. And so I've been encouraged to pick up the flute to help me process my grief. Those are the two things that that stand out. There are a few other things that I'm working on, but those are the two that my therapist and my coach have helped me identify to process the grief. Because it's like I'm not going to be able to really reach that next thing if I ignore the grief.

SPEAKER_00 9:24

Yeah. So you've talked about things that you're doing

Tools For Processing The Pain

SPEAKER_00 9:28

to help you move forward through this period of grief. And I'm wondering as you think about moving forward, what feels risky about doing that?

SPEAKER_01 9:41

What feels risky? That's another great question. And I'll answer it with a question that someone posed to me. It's like, what would happen if you believed in yourself the way that your biggest cheerleaders believe in you? I think that's the risk. Like, what if I truly went out there and advocated for myself in doing some of the things that you and I are doing with private companies, with universities? Like, what would it look like for me to fully step into my power and say, this is what I bring to the table? You know, close to 27 years of being a diplomat, of being excellent in everything that I do and having proven results in everything that I do. What would it look like for me to fully own that when I am pitching us, when I am pitching our business, and not being afraid of the result or how people will react? Like, okay, if we pitch ourselves and it doesn't work out, okay, move on to the next thing. Like just continuing to fully own my power. What would that look like? I've been asking myself that that question, like, what's holding me back? And it's really, you know, myself. It's really the inner saboteurs that have shown up, I would say primarily because of what happened with me with the riff and the layoff. Because that caused me to doubt, like, well, maybe I wasn't, maybe I wasn't as great as I thought I was. Or, you know, perhaps, perhaps there are things that that I need to work on. And everyone has things that they need to work on. Don't get me wrong, I'm not acting as though I'm perfect, but there's nothing like a layoff to cause you to really doubt yourself, to cause you to examine what are your true strengths and weaknesses, and are there things that need to be addressed that perhaps you swept under a rug? Or is it really, you know, an injustice that occurred to you? And in my grief process, I have landed on the ladder. Like it was an injustice,

Standing In Your Power Again

SPEAKER_01 12:00

but I can't let that injustice block me from living in God's dreams for me. And that is what I am trying to focus on as I grieve. Like forward progress and grief are not mutually exclusive. And I think that's the thing that is helping me now, as opposed to where I was mentally a year ago. Leadership today often means working across borders, and your banking should keep up. Our sponsor, State Department Federal Credit Union, delivers digital first banking designed for globally mobile professionals. And I have been a proud SDFCU member for more than 25 years. With SDFCU's WISE partnership, members can move money in over 40 currencies right inside their SDFCU account, making international payments simple, secure, and efficient. Visit SDFCU.org to learn more. State Department Federal Credit Union is federally insured by the National Credit Union Administration and is an equal housing lender. Membership and product eligibility are subject to approval.

SPEAKER_00 13:15

So when you think about standing in your power, if future you came back, had coffee with you, and was telling you how you got to the future, what's the story that future you, how would future you handle this situation now?

SPEAKER_01 13:31

The first thing I think future me would say is be proud of what you accomplished. There's no shame. There's no shame, there are no regrets. You did what you needed to do, that was one chapter, and now you're stepping boldly into another chapter. And you're continuing to be great. You continued to defy the odds. You didn't stay in your bed and pull the covers over your head and be depressed and not carry on with life. Be proud that you continued to push yourself and now look at where you are. Like you continue to lay the foundation for something great. Because honestly, Belinda, like in my gut, I know that I'm destined for greatness. I always have been, not by accident, but because I've always put in the work and I'm continuing to put in the work. We are continuing to put in the work every day. People don't see our grind. In fact, I posted this, I posted this on someone else's LinkedIn page when she was celebrating a milestone. It's like they see your glory, but they don't know your story. They don't know what you've done behind the scenes to continue to persevere to that next thing. And so the future me looking back on where I am now is just gonna be like, you know, you did that. You never gave up. You kept pushing when the odds were stacked against you. You continue to find a way, you know, with God's grace, you continue to push through. And now look at you. Like I know that day is coming. I just have to be patient. We have to continue doing what we're doing, laying the foundation, believing in what we're doing, and

Sponsor Break

SPEAKER_01 15:28

eventually it'll pay off.

SPEAKER_00 15:31

So as you think about building that foundation for the future, what feels within your control?

SPEAKER_01 15:39

What feels within my control? That's just it. I don't feel like I'm in control. And that's not to say that I'm living a reckless life. It just means that there are things that I need to recognize that I have to let go of. Especially as an entrepreneur, like you don't have any control over how the, you know, the person that you're pitching for your goods or your services, you don't know if they're going to enthusiastically accept, agree, give you a contract. You don't know. I mean, you're dealing with unknowns every day. We are dealing with unknowns every day. And so I think I am learning more and more what it feels like to not be in control. And that's an uncomfortable, it's an uncomfortable place. But at the same time, I know that the coaching that we're

Future You And The Pride Story

SPEAKER_01 16:35

doing, the workshops that we're organizing, the impact that we're having on the lives of other people. I know within my heart that that is the work that I'm passionate about, and that is what motivates me to keep going. And so, yeah, just knowing and trusting that we're doing what we're meant to do is enough for me right now to manage the uncertainty.

SPEAKER_00 17:08

So you just mentioned being driven by really faith in that your faith that it is the right path and you're laying the groundwork. Are there any other truths that are emerging for you right now?

SPEAKER_01 17:25

I think I've been focused on or reflecting on other moments in my life that were hard and what I learned from those moments and the fact that those moments didn't take me out. So I think the truth that is emerging for me is you know, that I am God's child, and that I if I continue to live my life honorably, you know, without malice and without bitterness and without anger. I mean, honestly, Belinda, that has been my prayer throughout this entire ordeal, that I emerge from it not wishing any ill will towards anyone, that I focus on me and how I carry myself and the example

Control Problems And Entrepreneur Uncertainty

SPEAKER_01 18:22

that I set for my children. That's another motivator for me right now, and in terms of how do I want my children to see me living in my truth and responding to what has happened. Like, what are the lessons that I want them to gain from this terrible experience? And I think more than anything, I want them to know that I'm a survivor. I've survived other things in the past that could have taken me out. And I'm gonna survive this ordeal as well.

SPEAKER_00 19:03

I like this idea of the other things didn't take you out.

SPEAKER_01 19:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:08

Right?

SPEAKER_01 19:09

The evidence and the arc of my life have demonstrated that I'm gonna be okay.

SPEAKER_00 19:19

So with the time we have left, I'm curious is there anything that has shifted for you today? Like as you think about our conversation, what's changed for you from the start of the conversation to right now?

SPEAKER_01 19:36

Honestly, I'm motivated. I know that my voice probably sounds a little somber. I think it's only because we're talking about a heavy topic and I'm saying things out loud and trying not to fall apart. But I think, if anything, I moved to have different conversations with my kids. I moved to, you know, let them know that I'm okay and that we're gonna be okay. And I guess I'm leaving this conversation with a reaffirmation of my resilience, with a reaffirmation that I'm just gonna keep grinding. And not grinding in the sense where I'm grinding myself into the ground, um, but in the sense that continuing to work towards the goals that we have set for ourselves,

Faith Resilience And Family Lessons

SPEAKER_01 20:28

continuing to stay focused, continuing to do the things that we've been doing, just with the confidence that it's going to, it's all going to come to fruition. It may not be next week, it may not be next month, but I know we're on the right path.

SPEAKER_00 20:46

So you mentioned three things that you felt like had shifted for you and shifted maybe the way in which you'll approach the future. Is there an experiment or something you can do in the near term to kind of move from reflection to action?

SPEAKER_01 21:09

Yeah, I've been talking to my therapist about this. There's been moving to action. It's a good question. I don't know if I have an answer right now. I think I've already begun taking steps to move to action. Well, there is one thing that I need to do, actually. I need to follow up on making an appointment with my primary care physician just to make sure that I'm taking care of my body fully, you know, mentally, spiritually, physically. I feel like I've taken care of the mental and the spiritual between my coach and my therapist, but I'm overdue for a check in with my primary care physician. So that is one action that I need to take to really feel like. Okay, I am 100% ready to step into my next. That's something that we've talked about, you know, in other episodes, taking care of your physical health. Like, I know that I'm not going to be any good to anyone if I am not where I need to be. And so that's one step that I need to take. But it all ties into this holistic approach of being ready for whatever is next.

SPEAKER_00 22:31

And so how do you myself hold yourself accountable to make that appointment?

SPEAKER_01 22:37

I just wrote a note on my to-do list on my phone.

SPEAKER_00 22:44

So you're going to be your accountability partner in that.

SPEAKER_01 22:48

I'm going to do it by the end of this week. I'm probably going to do it today. But yeah, I'm going to make that appointment. It's something I've been putting off. I need to do it. That's one thing. But I'm also going to make more time for my family and spend quality time with them in different ways. Like not focus on, you know, taking trips or doing things, but spending

Action Steps Health And Accountability

SPEAKER_01 23:15

quality time with them and letting them pour into me. That's another thing I'm taking from this conversation.

SPEAKER_00 23:25

So we've talked about making an appointment. We've talked about having more time with family. We've talked about using those as ways to move from reflection to the future.

SPEAKER_01 23:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 23:40

Is there anything we failed to discuss that you want to talk about?

SPEAKER_01 23:43

I want to leave with our listeners that you read these news reports about 300,000, or I guess it's up to 600,000 black women who have lost their jobs over the past year or so. You just never know what people are carrying. And these statistics reflect the lives of real people. You know, I'm one of them. And you and I both know several other women who are going through it. And at the risk of sounding like a broken record, I just want people to know that they shouldn't suffer in silence, that community is more important than anything. I think our society sends these signals that, you know, you can get on a chat group, or you can go on Instagram, or you can go on some other social media platform and get the healing or the help that you need. And I would just argue against that. If you can afford a therapist or a coach, or if you have a friend, an aunt, an uncle, a cousin, a sibling, a teacher, a mentor, someone in your circle that you can talk to. Please talk to that trusted individual. Find your person and lean on them. What we're experiencing collectively as a society is not something to be taken lightly. I mean, we have these conversations all the time about how heavy things feel. It's because it's true. It's not, it's not something, you know, that we're making up. Multiple people are saying it because it's true. And I just want to encourage people to know that they're not alone, to get the help that they need, to find community, to build community, and that we're gonna be okay. We've already come to what we've been through. And we're gonna get through this.

SPEAKER_00 25:45

So you're not alone, build community. We're gonna get through this. Does this feel like a good place for us to stop?

SPEAKER_01 25:55

I think so. I look forward to coaching you in a future session. But we are really appreciative of this community. If you like what you heard during this episode, please do subscribe to our YouTube channel. We are here for you. If you are in need of a thought partner, a coach, please contact us at hello at stirringsuccess.com.

Community Support And Closing

SPEAKER_01 26:23

And we look forward to sipping wisdom and stirring success with you again in the near future.